


We still

by Astrosfaerydae, BTS_Angel



Category: ASTRO (Band)
Genre: Accidental Outing, Alcohol, Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Blink and you'll miss it, Blood, Blood and Injury, Bullying, Crying, Drinking, Embarrassment, Fluff and Angst, Hospitals, How Do I Tag, Hurt/Comfort, Idiots, Idiots in Love, M/M, Major Character Injury, Minor Lee Dongmin | Cha Eunwoo/Moon Bin, Mutual Pining, Needles, Outing, Shitty jokes, alcohol use, angsty, blue flame era, btstro, drunk yoon sanha, eventual socky, minor mention of wanting to die, playing on the side of caution with cw, sanhyuck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-16
Updated: 2020-12-18
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:09:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 28,061
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24201847
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Astrosfaerydae/pseuds/Astrosfaerydae, https://archiveofourown.org/users/BTS_Angel/pseuds/BTS_Angel
Summary: Yoon Sanha, Astros baby boy, their maknae, their troublemaker is now 20 years old. He’s not a baby anymore. He's currently sitting at the bar at a popular gay club, alone and sober. He sneaks away from the members and their managers a few nights a week claiming he's hanging out with Bomin. For the last year, he couldn't wait to be 20 now it doesn't seem to be as great as he thought.
Relationships: Park Minhyuk | Rocky/Yoon Sanha, minor lee dongmin cha eunwoo/moonbin if you squint
Comments: 15
Kudos: 90





	1. Ch 1 2.0

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to Mena, Mika, Em, Rissa and the writers hype gc for being so supportive through this whole re-writing process!  
> CW// Blood injury hospitals alcohol  
> Check each chapter note for more content and trigger warnings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I don’t feel like I can be myself anywhere anyways. So what’s the point in actually trying to actually have a relationship anyway? I’m either a baby or a fuck toy. I can’t just be myself, even with the people that mean the most to me…” Sanha began to cry.
> 
> “If they actually care about you, you should be able to be yourself freely,” The bartender adds.
> 
> “They do…” Sanha says in a small voice as he takes a sip of his 2nd drink. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW// BLOOD, ALCOHOL, CURSING, INJURIES

Yoon Sanha, Astros baby boy, their maknae, their troublemaker is now 20 years old. He’s not a baby anymore. He's currently sitting at the bar at a popular gay club, alone and unfortunately, sober. He sneaks away from the members and their managers a few nights a week claiming he's hanging out with Bomin. For the last year, he couldn't wait to be 20 now it doesn't seem to be as great as he thought.

He calls the bartender over and asks for a drink. He's a regular here now and the bartender could sense something was off.

"You ok, kid? You're usually out on the dance floor. What's bugging ya?" The bartender asked while mixing Sanha's drink.

"Rough day, I guess." Sanha sighed.

"Care to elaborate?" The bartender raised an eyebrow.

"It's no big deal just did some filming today and I just… I don't know what's wrong with me." He laid his head on his hands.

"All my friends are all so gorgeous, everyone loves them and I can't even get past the first date with anyone. No one likes me; they just think that I'm well-" He paused for a moment to contemplate his next words, "well that I'm just a baby."

"Man, that's tough." He sits the drink down. "You do have a babyface, but you still are handsome. That oversized hoodie makes you look smaller too. Just so you know it's not a bad thing though. Some people like that soft kind of look. Cheer up you are young yet, you'll find someone. What happened to that guy you went home with last week? Y’all seemed to hit it off pretty good." The bartender queried as he cleaned his mixing glass.

"He completely ghosted me after we had sex. All those things he said he just wanted to use me to get his fill." Sanha picked up his drink and chugged it faster than he probably should have, "can I have another?"

"Sure, but it's not gonna make you feel better" The bartender shrugs. “Damn kid, I’m sorry.”

“Anything’s better than how I feel right now,” Sanha scoffed, “I’d rather forget everything than feel this pain, so keep them coming.”

The bartender just shrugged and mixed him another drink.

“I don’t feel like I can be myself anywhere anyways. So what’s the point in actually trying to actually have a relationship anyway? I’m either a baby or a fuck toy. I can’t just be myself, even with the people that mean the most to me…” Sanha began to cry.

“If **_they_** actually care about you, you should be able to be yourself freely,” The bartender adds.

“They do…” Sanha says in a small voice as he takes a sip of his 2nd drink.

Sanha thinks to himself, “ _don't they… what would they think if I told them I wanted to be seen as more mature? More like an adult. If they can’t accept that what would they do if they knew I was gay? I wouldn’t be_ ** _their_ **_baby anymore anyway, would I? Rocky probably wouldn’t ever want to hug OR cuddle with me again. Would they kick me out of the dorm? Would I have to leave Astro?”_

A shiver went through his body as the thoughts raced around his head. He started to nurse what was now his 3rd drink as tears fell silently from his face onto the bar.

 _"Would it be easier just to leave? What would I tell them? What would I tell my parents? I’d be disowned by everyone I love…”_ Sanha sobbed silently to himself as the bartender just poured him another drink.

* * *

As the night wore on, Sanha got more inside his head they more that he drank. A few hours later he was on his 10th drink, a man came over and sat down beside him. Sanha's head was laying on his elbow on the bar. He couldn't care less about anything right now, his body and mind went numb from the alcohol.

"Hey I've been watching you from the booth in the back, are you ok?" The young guy asked in a voice that seemed very familiar to Sanha.

"Mmh," _*hiccup*_ "Just leave me alone" Sanha slurred, still not picking his head up.

The young guy furled his eyebrows, something seemed familiar to him too, but he couldn't place it either.

"Do you want me to call you a cab? You look like you've had a rough night." He brushes Sanha's back lightly.

Sanha sat up quickly, his vision blurred from the alcohol. " **_IDIDN’TsayYOUcouldTOUCH me_ **" he shouted, his words sounded like he was trying to speak in cursive. Sanha’s hood fell back revealing his face stained with the tears from the night, his blonde hair falling softly over his bloodshot eyes.

The young man gasped, He knew the sad boy in the oversized hoodie.

"Sanha!?!" Rocky exclaimed.

"How do you know my name?" Sanha asked. In shock, he almost fell off the barstool, quickly he regained his balance but his vision was still too blurred to realize his best friend was standing in front of him.

"Sanha it's me, Rocky." Rocky stepped forward to pull Sanha into a hug, but Sanha was too fast for him even in his drunken state.

Fight or flight kicked in the blood coursing through Sanha's veins so hard he could hear the blood racing through the vessels in his ears. He flung open the bar’s door and ran down the sidewalk as fast as his wobbly legs could carry him, sobbing all the while.

“Leave me the FUCK ALONE!” he yelled behind him as Rocky raced to catch up.

"Sanha it's ok, just stop please," Rocky yelled after him.

“NO!” Sanha wept, running short of breath.

He ran through the upcoming intersection blindly, just as he was crossing a car came to a screeching halt just inches from him.

“HEY KID WATCH WHERE YOU’RE GOING! YOU ARE GONNA GET YOURSELF KILLED.” The angry man yelled from his car window.

Sanha turned toward the voice, the car’s headlights blinding him. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” he said quickly as he continued to try to run through the crosswalk.

Sanha tripped over the curb landing hard on the concrete. His hands and knees taking the brunt of the damage. He got back up and tried to keep running but his legs collapsed under him as the gravel strewn across sidewalk made it even harder for his shoes to grip the concrete. Sanha grasped for the near-by street light as he tried to stop his fall, but it was just out of reach. Sanha's shoulder made contact with the sidewalk, the hoodie he was wearing was, luckily, thick enough to protect his skin from damage. Sanha's pants were another story, the gravel ripped right through the thin fabric leaving them a bloody tattered mess. He tried to get up but the shock from everything happening all at once turned his body to jello. He finally gave up on the idea of getting away and curled into a ball, Sanha prayed that this was just a dream.

Meanwhile, Rocky stopped on the other side of the crosswalk anxiously waiting for the angry man to drive off. His view of Sanha was obscured, he couldn’t see which way Sanha went. As the car drove off Rocky ran into the crosswalk but was stopped in his tracks at the sight of Sanha on the ground. The streetlamp illuminated the area enough for Rocky to see the rips and tears in Sanha's clothing and the blood that was trickling down his legs.

"Sanha, are you ok? Are you hurt!?!" Rocky frantically ran up to where Sanha was curled up. He tried to pull Sanha out of the fetal position to no avail. Sanha may be drunk but he still had some of his strength.

"GO AWAY!" Sanha yelled. He was embarrassed to be found drunk by Rocky, his best friend. Even more so being possibly outed before he was ready.

 _“What do I do… Maybe he won’t connect the dots. I’m gonna be in so much trouble. Do I just lie? Say I didn’t know it was a gay club. No that won’t work. Maybe he won’t care but what if he tells the hyungs. I’m gonna have to leave the group. My life is over isn’t it?”_ Sanha sobbed pulling his knees closer to his chest.

Rocky stroked his back gently. "Shhh, it's ok, baby." Rocky reached over and hugged him from behind. He pulled the maknae's hoodie down and began to stroke Sanha's smooth blonde hair. Sanha struggled to pull away but couldn't, Rocky was not about to let him go, not like this.

"Why did you run? You don't need to run away from me ever." Rocky laid his head against Sanha's and held him even tighter.

"I-i-i don't know. I didn't- I DON'T KNOW." Sanha bawled, still resisting Rocky’s attempts to soothe him.

"Are you afraid I’d find out your gay? Is that why you ran?" Rocky asked.

"Why the fuck else would I be in a gay bar?!?" Sanha snapped at him.

"I don't know. Hey, baby, calm down." He was finally able to turn Sanha around to face him.

Rocky gently grasped Sanha's face between his hands, wiping away the tears with his thumbs. "Why would you be afraid to tell us? Did you forget the part of me being there too?" He said gently.

"So,” Sanha said sharply “I didn't want y'all to know yet. You and everyone else still see me as a baby. If y'all can't accept I'm an adult why even bring this up." Sanha pushed Rocky away, wincing at the pain in his hands and shoulder.

Rocky felt a slight wet spot form on his arms, he looked down at his white button-up, the sleeves now stained with dirt and blood. Rocky grabbed Sanha's hands, turning them over to reveal lacerations in the younger’s hands from the fall.

Rocky carefully examined the dirt and rocks from the sidewalk that were embedded in the gashes, "Sanha you need to look at me I don't care about anything else right now," Sanha still resisted any attempt to be moved by Rocky.

"Can you please just let me help you?!?" Rocky pleaded with him as he began to tear up.

Sanha pulled his hands away and curled back up. "No, I'm fine. I'm an adult! I can handle this. Stop treating me like a _*hiccup*_ child!"

"Seriously?!? Sanha you are drunk, you ran away from me and got hurt because you ran away. I'm not treating you like a child, but you are acting like one now. I'm worried about you. If I **_really_** wanted to treat you like a child I'd call Jinjin, MJ, or Eunwoo." Rocky hoped threatening to call the others would work to get Sanha to cooperate. His own tears now began to fall, Rocky had never scolded Sanha for anything, watching Sanha like this hurt him more than he could ever say.

"NO! They don't need to know I'm drunk." Sanha protested, giving rocky another shove.

"Is that what you are worried about? You are of legal age to drink. They wouldn't exactly be surprised." Rocky scoffed as he rolled his eyes.

"Please don't tell them anything I don't want to disappoint them." Sanha cried out.

"Oh, Sanha." Rocky sighed. "You do know you aren't the only one that goes out to drink. Also, you aren't the only gay member, **_WE_** aren't alone. There’s still a lot you don’t know."

"If yall wouldn’t treat me like a child I WOULD!" Sanha paused for a moment to let his, still, tipsy brain fully process what Rocky said, “wait, **_we_ **?" Sanha asked, picking his head up slightly to look at Rocky who was crouched in front of him now.

"Yes we, but that's for them to tell you if and when they are ready. Ok? Now, let me help you up," Rocky tried to lift Sanha to his feet by reaching under the boy's arms. The alcohol had worn off enough for Sanha to feel the extreme pain that ravaged his body, the screams coming from him sounded inhuman.

"That's it if you don't let me check you out I **_WILL_ **call them and our managers," Rocky said sternly as he gently placed Sanha back down on the sidewalk.

Rocky gave Sanha a moment to calm down before he checked him out. He ghosted his hands over Sanhas injuries, careful not to touch anything for fear of hurting him. Nothing looked life-threatening, but it wasn't minor either.

"Sanha…" Rocky huffed. "I think we should get you checked out at the hospital."

"No! I'll just man up and sleep it off." Sanha tried to get up again, his legs shaking under his own weight. It didnt take long for Sanha's legs to give out on him but luckily Rocky caught him and pulled him close.

"Being a man doesn't mean being stubborn and ignoring your body. Getting help doesn't make you any less of a man." Rocky lectured him, "I'm gonna call a taxi. Just please stop fighting. I only want to help you."

Rocky pulled his phone out to call the taxi as Sanha finally gave in, hugging Rocky back.

 _"This might be the last time I get to be this close to him.”_ Sanha leaned in so he could hear Rocky’s heartbeat. This was home, his safe place. Sanha began sobbing again as the realization of what was happening set in.

Rocky hung up the phone and wrapped his arms around Sanha gently. “Hey, hey now,” Rocky's voice returned to being calm and comforting as he stroked Sanha's back, “Just let it out, it will be ok, I promise.”

Sanha gripped onto Rocky's shirt for dear life leaving more bloody spots on the already ruined shirt. “I’m so sorry Rocky I didn't mean to ruin your shirt. I’ll-”

“It’s ok this shirt is old anyway.” Rocky stroked Sanha’s hair gently, he peppered the top of the boy's head with tender kisses.

 _“No, please, don’t let this be the last moment we have. I can’t lose him.”_ Sanha tried to push closer to Rocky as if the tighter he held onto him the longer he could stay in this moment.

Rocky, as if he could read Sanha's thoughts “I’m not going anywhere relax, I’ve got you.” He hugged the boy and comfortingly rocked them back and forth until the taxi showed up.

The taxi driver rolled the window down. “Hey, do you need some help?”

“No, I’ve got him. Can you just get the door.” Rocky replied as the taxi vans back door slid open with the push of a button.

Sanha began to attempt to stand again on his own, “No, you don’t. Come here.” Rocky lifted Sanha with ease, one arm under his shoulders and one under his knees. He sat Sanha down in the back seat of the van and buckled his seatbelt. Rocky swiftly got himself buckled in as well.

“To the closest hospital please,” Rocky said to the driver, he nodded and pulled away from the curb.

Sanha looked back at the crosswalk slowly disappearing from his sight, _“nothing will ever be the same will it?”_ His vision began to tunnel and with a deep sigh, his body slumped over in the seat.


	2. Ch. 2 2.0

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW// BLOOD, HOSPITALS, NEEDLES, MEDICAL PROCEDURES, MENTIONS OF WANTING TO DIE, BULLYING, MINOR VIOLENCE 
> 
> Thank you to all those who are keeping me sane after accidentally deleting this chapter

Rocky paced back and forth in the waiting room anxiously. Sanha was barely conscious when they reached the hospital, Rocky had no idea what to do at this point. He gave the triage nurse as much information as he could, but Rocky still felt helpless as his thoughts raced ahead of him.

_ “Should I call someone? Should I call his parents… no, he could get in a ton of trouble with them. Ugh, I don’t know what to do? Why does he even think that? I swear when we get home he’s gonna get so smothered. Wait what if he doesn’t want to come home? What if-” _

The door separating the waiting room opened, “Rocky, they are ready for you to go back. He’s in room 06” Rocky wasted no time turning on his heels he ran through the door and found his way to room 06.

Less a room and more a cubicle with a shower curtain separating it from the outside world. He paused and took a deep breath before pulling the curtain back, Rocky didn’t want Sanha to see how worried he was. Sanha laid there in the hospital bed with an ice pack on his shoulder, his torn clothing neatly folded at the end of the bed. Rocky almost chucked at how tiny the hospital gown looked on Sanha’s long and lean frame. His eyes found Sanha’s injuries on full display, patches of dried blood and debris made his heart fall to his stomach. Somehow, Sanha was asleep. his face looked peaceful even with the dried tear stains.

"The others would kill me if I didn't tell them where we were…" Rocky said to himself.

A nurse walked in and turned to Rocky, "are you Rocky?"

"Yes, I am. Is he ok?" Rocky asked, the worry in his voice evident.

"He wouldn't let us continue to clean his wounds without you here. We gave him a few minutes to rest before calling you back. This might be painful for him and painful to watch, will you be ok being in the room?" The nurse asked.

"Yea he's my best friend I'll be ok. He would do the same for me." Rocky said feebly as he wrapped his arms around himself for comfort.

"Ok, I'll be back in just a minute, so we can get this done as fast as possible and get y'all home."

"Thank you, Wait I have a question," Rocky Interrupted the nurse as they were about to leave.

"Sure what's that, hun." They answered kindly.

"Do y'all know why he passed out?" 

"Yes hun, essentially he just fainted from the stress and probably had something to do with the alcohol, too. His neurological exam was completely normal so try not to worry too much." They assured Rocky as they left the room.

Rocky walked over to Sanha's beside and pulled the chair from the corner up to the bedside. He gently brushed Sanha's bangs to the side as he leaned forward to place a tender kiss on Sanha’s now, exposed forehead, "Hey Ddana, I'm here," he whispered quietly as he had to resist the urge to scoop Sanha into his arms.

Sanha groaned as tried to turn to see Rocky, "No sanha stay still. You don't want to hurt yourself by moving."

"Rocky I'm sorry… i-I'm sorry I ran. I'm so sorry-" Sanha wailed.

"Shh," Rocky cupped Sanha's cheek in his hand. "Don't apologize it's ok. You did nothing wrong, promise."

"Really? But aren’t you mad..." he sniffled.

"Not at all. No one could be mad at you baby, ever. I do have some questions though if you’re up for it?" Rocky brushed aside Sanha’s bangs again, making sure that Sanha saw his comforting smile.

"I'm not a baby." Sanha pouted angrily.

"Says the photo on my phone of you in footie pajamas from last week's movie night." Rocky teased him to try to lighten the mood, pulling his phone out to show Sanha his lock screen was him in a set of blue footie pajamas with gold stars.

"Shut up. Why is that even your lock screen?"

Rocky chuckled, "because you're a cutie."

Just then three nurses walked in with a rolling tray of medical equipment.

The head nurse spoke up, "Mr. Yoon are you ready now?"

"Mmhm" Sanha groaned as he leaned his head towards Rocky seeking comfort.

The nurses got to work gently removing small rocks and dirt from Sanha's wounds. Rocky caressed Sanha's hair the whole time keeping him as calm as possible. Sanha winced and cursed as the debris was pulled out of the wounds.

The head nurse paused for a moment and walked out of the room. When they came back they had a small sterilized pouch of supplies, a needle, and a small vial.

“There’s a cut on your left knee that needs stitches. We’re going to numb the site and then proceed from there, ok?” the nurse approached the bedside preparing the needle and local anesthetic. Sanha just nodded, taking in a huge gulp of air as he forgot to breathe when he heard the word 'stitches.'

“Now I want you to take a big deep breath.” The nurse said as they methodically injected the lidocaine.

Sanha bit down hard on his lip to keep from yelping as it felt like fire was being injected under the skin on his knee. Rocky looked on, noticing immediately as the pain began welling up in Sanha’s eyes. He began rubbing Sanha’s back in slow, soothing circles murmuring quiet words of comfort. The tears started to fall again as much as Sanha tried desperately to hold them back, between the pain, alcohol and Rocky’s touch, it was all too much for him. The nurses continued on with their job, finishing as quickly as they possibly could.

As the nurses made their exit one of them stopped at the light switches on the wall, "Another nurse will be in soon to take you for x-rays on your shoulder. Would you like the lights on or off?"

"Off please," Sanha said.

"Does it hurt?" Rocky asked scrunching his face up as he looked at Sanha’s bandaged wounds.

“Yes, but it’s better now that you’re here,” Sanha said as he leaned over to give Rocky a one-armed hug with his good arm.

"Can we talk about why you ran? Or even just what upset you so much that you drank ten screwdrivers? You drink one drink, any type of alcoholic drink, and all of a sudden you'll turn into a koala so ten is a lot for you."

"First I need to ask you a question, why were you watching me? Did you know it was me? Why were you there." Sanha asked his questions in rapid succession, his voice still slurring from the alcohol that was slowly leaving his system.

"Fair enough I guess, I didn't know it was you. I'm practically blind at that distance and you had a giant hoodie on. Your body language just kinda felt sad and I wanted to keep an eye on you. My date didn't show up but I decided to stay to make sure whoever the blue boy at the bar was, got home safe. Does that answer your questions?" Rocky went to grasp sanha’s bandaged hand but instead flinched away awkwardly scratching his head

"Yea, I guess that makes sense. Ughhh my body hurts, sobering up sucks." Sanha whined.

"We will get some hangover soup on the way home, ok? Can you answer my question though? You don’t have to if you just want to rest."

"Yea…" he paused for a minute to gather his thoughts. "Today during filming our last stage y'all kept calling me cute and a baby and I tried really hard to look cool and handsome like y'all do. I sometimes feel down when monitoring because I'm never gonna be as handsome and cool as y'all are. I really, really tried today and just felt, kinda looked over… With Moonbin not with us, I feel like I need to work even harder for him. To make him proud of us."

"Sanha…" Rocky pouted. " We are all so proud of you, Moonbin included. You did so good” he cooed.

“You are always gonna be cute and be our baby. You are captain Ddana. That being said, you are growing into a very handsome man, you are cute, handsome, and our baby. If it hurts when we call you baby and cute, though we can stop all you have to do is ask." Rocky smiled sweetly at the boy.

"No, no that's not what I mean," Sanha said quickly. "I still like being called cute. I just, I don't know... I want to be seen as cool and sexy too."

"You are Sanha." Rocky rolled his eyes playfully, "you are cool, handsome, cute, beautiful, sexy, you are our maknae, our shining star. We do call you cute and a baby a lot though... I'll try to call you handsome more, too. Sanha that's not the only thing bothering you is it?" Sanha slumped down in the bed, Rocky caught on quickly that it wasn’t that simple. With that, another new nurse came in and interrupted the conversation.

"Mr. Yoon Sanha, I'm here to take you to x-ray." The nurse said.

"Ok, thank you," Sanha said, adjusting himself in the bed, looking back at Rocky with a slight tinge of panic in his expression. Rocky kissed the top of Sanha’s head gently, letting his lips linger for a moment.

"I'll be right back with your boyfriend, sweetie." The nurse said as they pushed Sanha out of the room and down the hall to radiology. Instead of correcting them, Rocky just blushed and nodded.

* * *

Fifteen minutes later Sanha was wheeled back in into the room, "The doctor should have the results on your shoulder x-ray soon. Good luck!" They said quickly leaving the room.

"You aren't off the hook. I can tell something else is bothering you, you don't have to talk about it but just promise me you won't try to shoulder things alone anymore, ok?" Rocky said, his voice unusually stern.

"Well, yes, but now I'm not sure if I even read the situation correctly," Sanha chuckled.

"Everyone loves the other members and they seem to all have had relationships at some point the way they talk about love,” Sanha faked a gag. “I'm happy for them, I am, but I can't even get past the first date and when I thought about being seen as only a baby it really got me even more down. What if no one will date me because I'm 'the baby' ?"

"Well yes some members are in relationships and have had some dating experience, but as you can see I got stood up so kinda riding the single train, too. The right person will love you, all of you.” Rocky said assuringly. “That includes your cute aegyo and your handsome sexy side and all the sides of you. They will love you for being Yoon Sanha, not for being sexy or for any one thing in particular. They will love you for you and if they don't let me at 'em cause clearly, they need some sense knocked into them." Rocky shook his fist in the air jokingly.

"Owww, don't make me laugh it hurts.” Sanha yelped.

“Do you think so? I still don't think I'm handsome, I mean look at MJ, Eunwoo, Moonbin, Jinjin, and even you, y'all are gorgeous I can't even compare."

"You can't compare because there is no comparison. You are you. You are Yoon Sanha, Astros maknae, prankster, high cabinet reacher and so much more.” he playfully pinched Sanha’s chubby cheeks.

“Each member is unique in their own way and handsome in their own way. You included. You've grown into your height well, it makes you look like an adult now. We don't want to admit it but your face grows more handsome and less baby-like each day. There's nothing I can say to make you see it but I hope one day you will see how gorgeous you are because we see it every day." Rocky smiled as he kissed Sanha's forehead, again.

"Thank you, Rocky. I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner." his face dipping low, tears starting to fall again.

"Hey, hey don't apologize, I'm glad you are telling me now." Rocky smiled sweetly, wiping Sanha’s tears away.

A few minutes passed by as Rocky cooed and comforted the younger who, now, had stopped sniffling and was staring at the curtain divider waiting for news on his Xray.

"Did you want to discuss your accidental outing, too?" Rocky asked awkwardly, “You don’t have to, I know this is all a lot to process right now.”

"Yeah about that you were outed too?" Sanha bit his lip nervously.

"Well to you. Everyone else knows." Sanha looked offended by Rocky’s admission

"No, please don't take it the wrong way we were gonna tell you, but we wanted to wait until after this comeback just in case it didn't go well. Please don't take offense, we just were trying to do what we thought was best. We were gonna tell you tonight now that promotions are officially over after that last filming." Rocky’s heart raced as the panic began to build waiting for Sanha’s response.

After a moment, Sanha’s offended grimace softened, "No, I understand. I felt the same, I didn't want to come out because I was afraid it would cause problems. I was ashamed, very ashamed…” His voice caught in his throat with those words. “Remember those bullies you beat up for me at school because they beat me up?”

“Did they try to hurt you again?” Rocky jumped out of his seat, he was more than willing to go to jail to teach them a lesson again.

“No no no, please calm down,” Rocky sat down, but his nostrils were still flared in anger.

“Well, I never told you, but they found out, and that’s why they did it. They found out I was gay. Since then I’ve been scared and convinced that maybe they were right, maybe I should be ashamed. Do you know how-”

“Sanha…” tears welled up in Rocky’s eyes, he didn’t want Sanha to finish that thought.

“Let me finish ok.” Sanha took a deep breath in, his voice was getting shaky again.

“Before I asked for you for help every day for months no one would come near me just because I was just called gay. They didn’t even ask if I was, but if they did what would’ve happened then if I confirmed it? Or denied it? I tried to ignore them but it was so hard.” Sanha was sobbing at this point.

“They would hold me down, kick my ribs, spit in my face-”

“Sanha, you listen to me, you do not ever have to go through that ever again. You hear me?” Rocky sat on the side of the bed careful not to touch the injured boy.

“I wanted to die, to disappear or something, anything during those days to, just, not be present in my own mind. You took care of it, they finally left me alone. You gave me a safe place to hide from it all, but I am still so scared. But still in the back of my mind, I was sure you heard the rumors and always wondered if you just ignored it or if you believed it but didn't care. I never had the guts to ask, to face that again.” Sanha let out a deep sigh to regain his composure.

“I felt at home with you and with our members, it was too big of a risk for me to go through that again; to be ridiculed and shamed… beaten…" Sanha's body shook as he spoke the word 'beaten.'

"I held out hope that one day I could tell you the truth, but I was just so comfortable just being us, being friends, that I hid behind this innocent, carefree child mask for so long it just became normal to hide my true self. It's an escape from that fear, but also because of it...” Sanha shrugged as the tears still fell at an impressive pace. Rocky did his best to hug Sanha without hurting him, Sanha wasn't a fan of his half-assed attempt, as painful as it was for him he wrapped both arms around Rocky and held on tight.

Rocky just sighed as Sanha leg go and began to full-on sob into his chest, "That fear isn't just gonna go away that easily and none of us are gonna expect you to suddenly stop having those doubts. All we can do is be there for you and assure you that you are valid, loved and accepted." Rocky very carefully removed Sanha from around his body making sure that Sanha could now see his face, "You don't have to hide who you are anymore but still take your time with it. Trust me, it will all be alright. Can you do that, can you trust me?” He searched for an answer in Sanha’s eyes.

“Yeah, I can trust you, always.” Sanha smiled as he sniffed back the tears.

Rocky returned the smile, ruffling the boy's hair, "There's a lot more we need to talk about but for now, just know that we love you."

“Now, is there a way we can not tell them about my fall though,” he tried to laugh but it turned into something more like a pained grunt.

"Yea that we have to tell them, I mean, it’s kind of obvious. You don't have to tell them anything else though if you aren’t ready. Although, I just want you to know they will accept you no matter what. Only when you are ready of course," Rocky gave him a reassuring nuzzle with his cheek against Sanha’s.

The doctor announced himself by clearing his throat and walked in. "Good news it seems to be just a bad bruise. Nothing is broken, but to be safe you should wear this sling for the next few weeks." The doctor said very bluntly as if he had better things to do. One of his nurses that followed him in the room, approached the bed to help Sanha put the sling on his left arm.

"Thank you," Sanha said specifically to the nurse as the doctor swiftly left the room.

"You're welcome. If you don't have any questions, you'll be free to leave as soon as I get your discharge papers ready, hun."

"I don't have-"

"Excuse me, I have a question" Rocky said, interrupting Sanha.

"Yes, dear?” The nurse replied

"How long should he rest? You know before doing normal activities, like just day to day stuff." Rocky asked, meanwhile, Sanha crossed his arms and huffed. All Sanha wanted right now was to go home.

"A week or two should be fine once he has seen his primary care provider to get the stitches out. If the pain persists the doctor can give a referral to see a specialist. Is there anything else deary?" The nurse answered him in a cheerful tone.

"Nothing else, thank you." Rocky nodded gratefully and turned to Sanha, “you ready to get home?”

“Yes, please, I just want to go to bed,” Sanha exhaled deeply, rubbing his tired eyes.

“Ok then, whatever you want bab- I mean Sanha.” Rocky blushed, smiling awkwardly as he stopped himself from using the 'B' word.

“No, you can still call me baby, please, I like it.” Sanha murmured, his voice almost inaudible. “Just don’t call me ‘a baby’ when I’m trying to be cool, ok?” He said in only a slightly more audible mumble.

“Ok, you’ve got it,” Rocky paused, the blush from his cheeks running up to his ears now, “baby.”


	3. Ch 3 2.0

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Where have you two been?!?" He scolded them. "What on earth happened to him? God I’m gonna have to wrap you and Binne in bubble wrap, aren’t I?" He scoffed.
> 
> "It's a long story, but I'm ok. I got a wittle bit drunk." Sanha said, pinching his fingers together facetiously.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW// BLOOD, PUSHING/SHOVING
> 
> Not as heavily beta'd as I usually would like(Thanks mikachu for helping me) so please excuse typos or mistakes that were missed. I just really want to rip the bandaid off and post this. Thanks as always to all my friends for always encouraging me, I love you all!

Rocky helped Sanha walk using his shoulder as they slowly walked up to the dorm door. It was a bit after four in the morning, Rocky hoped all the members were still in bed but his hopes were quickly dashed as the door flew open. Eunwoo gasped at the sight before him as he swiftly ushered the two in helping to support Sanha's other side.

"Where have you two been?!?" He scolded them. "What on earth happened to him? God I’m gonna have to wrap you and Binne in bubble wrap, aren’t I?" He scoffed.

"It's a long story, but I'm ok. I got a wittle bit drunk." Sanha said, pinching his fingers together facetiously.

The trio walked over to the couch, Eunwoo rapidly gathered all the pillows and blankets in the living room to make Sanha comfortable.

"Let me make you guys some tea and then we can talk. Everyone went to bed assuming you were safe with friends." Eunwoo said, shaking his head as he plodded his way into the kitchen.

In no time, Eunwoo came back into the living room with tea for Rocky and Sanha. They awkwardly took a few sips in silence. Eunwoo sighed, not wanting to be the first to speak but it was obvious that the maknaes would’ve ignored the situation if they could, "Rocky, why didn't you call? I was worried sick about both of you. I didn't even know you two were out together."

"I-i just got a little too drunk and then Rocky saw me in the bar and I didn't recognize him and I got scared and ran like an idiot and then fell." Sanha rambled on.

"Sanha," Eunwoo sighed gently patting his head. "A little drunk? You smell like rubbing alcohol! Also a fall this looks like a bit more than a fall Ddana..."

"Well I had a rough day and I didn't really care how much I drank…" Sanha's cheeks turned red with embarrassment, he wasn't used to talking about such serious topics with his hyungs.

"What bothered you so much? Why didn't you talk to us?" Eunwoo sat on his heels in front of Sanha giving him his full, undivided attention.

"I-i-i don't know… I didn't want to bother you." Sanha began to cry again, a few silent tears trailed down his cheeks as his chin quivered violently.

"Don't cry, Ddana. You're gonna make me cry." Eunwoo paused turning to Rocky, "wait Rocky was there, right? Rocky, why didn't you intervene before he drank the entire liquor store!" Eunwoo was more than ready to scold Rocky for letting Sanha get into trouble. 

"He didn't drink the entire liquor store,”

“Smells like it,” Eunwoo quipped.

“Yall realize I’m still here,” Sanha’s small voice piped up between the two arguing men.

“Oh sorry Sanha,” Rocky quickly moved on before Eunwoo could interrupt him, “anyway I didn't recognize him in the hoodie. I just saw some guy at the bar that was really sad and obviously really drunk so I went to offer to get him a taxi ride home. Sanha didn't recognize me at first, got scared, and ran. I ran after him and he fell really, really hard." 

"I was sad and scared and it's my fault, don't blame Rocky he was just trying to help." Sanha pleaded, hoping that Eunwoo would be able to control his fiery temper.

"No one's fault Ddana, it’s ok. Rocky, you are too sweet trying to help.” Both boys relaxed as they realized that Eunwoo’s temper wasn’t making an appearance tonight. 

“Sanha can you tell me why you were sad or do you just wanna rest?" Eunwoo patted Sanha and Rocky's arms reassuringly.

Sanha sighed. "I don't feel attractive. When we were finishing filming our last stage yesterday I felt like such a baby compared to all the members. I don't feel handsome compared to y'all. I can't even get more than a first date with anyone, but so many people love y'all in, you know... that way, but I'm just a baby."

"I told him all he had to do is tell us it bothered him and we would work on it. I also told him he is growing into a very handsome adult and we just don't want to accept it, that our baby is growing up but he is growing up well." Rocky ruffled Sanha’s hair playfully. 

"Rocky is right you are very very handsome. Just as handsome as the rest of us. We just didn't want to see it cause it means you aren't our little Ddana anymore. I’m sorry we made you feel that way." Eunwoo smiled and caressed the maknae’s cheek. The warmth from Eunwoo's hand radiated across Sanha's entire body, just a small touch brought him an immense amount of comfort. 

"I don't mind being called cute and a baby _all_ the time. I just worked really hard to show my cool sexy side and I just want that to be acknowledged sometimes, too. I'll always be Astro's baby." 

"Will do Sanha." Eunwoo kissed the youngest forehead. As Eunwoo sat down in the chair beside the sofa, he paused for a second. A light bulb went off in his head. Rocky said he was going to the club for a date. If Sanha was in that same club… does that mean? 

"Uhh so Rocky, how did your date go?" Eunwoo asked cheerfully as if he was oblivious to the facts.

"Not so good, they were a no show. Still a member of the singles club." Rocky sighed and shrugged his shoulders.

"So how did you meet up with Sanha like, were you at-" Eunwoo chuckled, it was hard to keep up the dumb blonde act.

Sanha cut Eunwoo off with a heavy sigh, he knew where this was going. As much as he wanted to escape it, Sanha knew it was inevitable, "Yes, and yes I am. I just didn't want to tell you guys I didn't want to ruin anything. Then with being perpetually single, sad, and gay all my thoughts kinda got tangled up and vodka kinda numbed it for a moment. So yes we were at the same club."

Eunwoo grinned from ear to ear as he practically jumped at Sanha to hug him. "It wouldn't ruin anything you silly goose. In fact, let's throw you a coming-out party. I'm so proud of you! Don't ever feel ashamed, ever! You hear me? I’m gay too, if you couldn't tell, anyways, there's nothing you should ever feel ashamed of or feel you have to hide."

"Nu, you are squishing me!!!! Ouch!" Sanha exclaimed. Eunwoo didn't realize that his arms currently felt like vice grips around Sanha's body.

Eunwoo backed away, blushing at his own reaction, "Sorry, I'm just happy for you. I'm sorry this had to happen for you to share it. I'm sorry if we ever made you feel like you couldn't share this with us. I can speak for everyone, we will love you just the same today as we did yesterday." Eunwoo pinched Sanha's cheeks as an old aunty would do. 

"Thank you" Sanha whispered with a small smile making a brief appearance on his face before quickly disappearing again. He was unsure of how to respond to all the love that he was receiving tonight, because deep down a part of him was still terrified of what was to come.

"Do you mind if I wake everyone up and let them know you are ok?" Eunwoo asked, the question was pointless, more of a formality than an actual question.

"Do you have to?" Sanha whined in false protest, as much as it hurt hugs from his family would be nice.

"Yes, so we can all love on our Ddana." Eunwoo beamed as he left the room with a small bounce in his step. Sanha just rolled his eyes and scoffed, Eunwoo really was the sweetest, sometimes almost too sweet for his tastes.

“Hey Rocky,” Sanha said as his voice returned to its meek and shy state.

“Yes Sanha,” 

“Can we keep the bullying thing to ourselves? I don’t want to talk about it anymore please?” Sanha looked up at Rocky with his large, expressive, puppy dog eyes. Even after their talk Sanha still felt the need to ask, he knew Rocky would say yes, but he still really needed that extra reassurance that it was okay.

“Of course. None of that stuff matters anymore, what matters right now is you are here with us.” Rocky shot Sanha a small but very comforting and loving smile, his one dimple making a rare showing. Yet, Sanha still looked a bit apprehensive about the whole ordeal.

Rocky, as always, could see what was on Sanha’s mind, “Remember we go at your pace, whatever you want to say or don’t want to say that is solely up to you. I promise you we will respect that no matter what.” 

“Could you explain it to them for me? I’m tired and I’m scared, but I can’t sleep if I keep thinking about this…”

“Everything but the bullying right?”

“Right.”

“If you want to step in at any time just interrupt me, ok?”

Sanha just gave him a small nod as Eunwoo returned right away with the rest of the members. Moonbin, Jinwoo, and Myungjun slowly stumbled into the living room. As soon as Sanha came into focus in Myungjun and Jinwoo’s sleep distorted vision, they ran over to him, smothering him with hugs and checking every inch of him for other injuries. 

"Guys, stop it I'm ok. I promise." Sanha grumbled trying to push them away, they hugs were nice at first but now he was feeling suffocated.

Moonbin still moved at his sluggish, zombie-like pace eventually he joined the other two by Sanha's side. His voice was gravelly from sleep, "What happened?" 

"It's a long story, he's ok, but he needs rest. The doctor's said a week should be fine." Rocky stated, trying his best to cool the tension building in the room.

"Who hurt you?" Jinwoo looked down at the floor, anger painted across his face as his normally soothing voice changed into something almost demonic. Whoever hurt his baby Ddana was about to pay.

Sanha sat up quickly waiving his good arm at Jinwoo frantically, "No!!! It was no one hyung, it's my fault I was just being stupid. I promise no one hurt me!" 

"Hey chill out Jinjin, Sanha lay back down." Rocky will deal with the fact that he scolded their leader later. He helped Sanha to get comfortable again before speaking, ignoring the shocked look on the other member's faces, "Sanha drank a little too much and had a fall. We will explain it, just let him rest, ok? No need to get all riled up." Rocky tucked Sanha in making sure he was snug and comfortable before he sat back down on the other end of the couch near his feet. 

“I’m sorry please continue,” Jinwoo apologized further adding to the shock of the members.

"Rocky, can you explain it?" 

"Like we talked about earlier?" 

"Mmhm" Sanha nodded in agreement.

Rocky took a deep breath, closing his eye momentarily to calm his own anxious heart, "Ok, so you know how I was going on a date tonight right? Do you remember where?"

"Omg the date was with Sanha and you finally confessed to him!!!" Moonbin blurted out. The room was immediately filled with almost overly exaggerated gasping, but as quickly as they reacted they fell silent waiting for someone, anyone, to say something. 

The blood drained from Rocky's face, for a moment he began to feel dizzy as the realization of his own secret being released to the world hit him with full force. Sanha looked just as bewildered by Moonbin’s rash statement.

Rocky let out a deep sigh as he began to rub his temples he thought to himself, _“I can kill him later, Sanha needs you right now so focus, calm down.”_

"Uhhh," Rocky looked around the room awkwardly searching for any way to escape this situation, "No that's nowhere near what happened…" As Rocky finished his sentence he couldn’t help but grit his teeth together, the anger almost overtaking him.

Moonbin, too sleepy or oblivious to realize the chaos he just caused, still excitedly rocked back and forth on his heels, "oh ok continue!"

"So, uh, my date never showed. While I was waiting I noticed that there was a really sad guy in a hooded sweatshirt that stayed at the end of the bar all night but- I didn't recognize him. Turns out it was Sanha. He was too drunk to recognize me at first and he got scared, ran, and fell." Moonbin and Myunjun stared in shock, whilst Jinwoo just seemed confused.

"Ok so… what does that mean? Sanha why were you so sad?" Jinjin, still not catching on.

Rocky paused trying to gather his thoughts but before he could speak, a tiny voice rose from the couch, "I was sad because I tried hard to be cool and sexy. Y'all are all effortlessly handsome and I tried really hard and feel like I'm getting nowhere." Sanha turned bright red as he looked to Rocky for help.

"What Sanha is trying to say is he is gay and lonely. He sees how much our hyungs are loved for being cool and sexy and when he tried his hardest to be cool and sexy he was still called cute. On top of that not being able to get a date just was a lot for him so he went to the club to drink and it just all piled up." Rocky spoke at a pace that would rival an auctioneer, as he finished he took in a much-needed gasp of air.

Moonbin, Jinwoo, and Myungjun looked at each other for a moment before they all leaned in to hug Sanha. The group continued silently for a minute, holding their maknae tenderly, words weren't exchanged until Myungjun gathered the courage to speak up.

"I'm sorry we didn't recognize how hard you were trying. We all still kinda see you as a baby because we don't want to believe how fast you've grown up right before our eyes." MJ affectionately brushed Sanha's cheek. "Do you not want us to call you our baby at all anymore?"

In haste, moonbin added, "If you don't want us to that's fine whatever will make you comfortable." 

Sanha shook his head no, "I'm still Astros baby, I'm still Ddana, I'm still cute, but I can also be Astros handsome Sanha sometimes too."

"Understood. We are so proud of you Sanha and we are sorry we made you feel unseen." Myungjun said, speaking for all the members.

Jinwoo nodded in agreement, his thoughts still clouded, partially from sleep but also from Rocky scolding him, even if he did deserve it.

"Rocky said something about other members, other than us, being gay, too. Unless it's just us and Eunwoo." He gestured to Rocky and Eunwoo. "Whoever it is, if anyone else is, when you feel comfortable can you tell me please?" Sanha searched their faces for any hint of an answer, the group of boys collectively beamed bright enough to make the sun envious. 

"Pan," Myungjun said, matter-of-factly.

"Pot" Jinwoo laughed as if he had just told the world's best joke. He was met with only a few sympathetic chuckles before he embarrassingly cleared his throat and spoke again, "Just kidding I'm pan, too"

"Bi and taken" Moonbin smirked as he pulled Eunwoo to his side, kissing his cheek.

Sanha gasped. "When?!? How?!? For how long?!? What the fuck…"

Eunwoo laughed shyly, "we will tell you later I promise but for now, let's let you two get some rest. I'm sure it's been a long night. After y'all rest, we have a party to plan!" Eunwoo widened his eyes and his grin into the most obnoxious face, he sometimes went a bit over the top celebrating any milestone for the members, this time would be no different.

"Thank you, hyung." Sanha crinkled his nose cutely, he couldn't resist Eunwoo's charm, but who could?

“Uhh real quick if we're done here, Moonbin can I talk to you privately?” Before Rocky got his answer, his hand was wrapped around Bin’s wrist dragging him down the hall to their soundproof studio. 

Rocky pulled Moonbin into the room as he slammed the door shut. “What the fuck was that? I told you that in confidence.”

“I’m sorry I just assumed,” Moonbin shrugged as he still didn't realize how deep the situation was.

“Yea and you made an ass out of yourself!” Rocky yelled as he stepped towards Moonbin backing him into a corner.

Moonbin shoved Rocky back, “Dude chill what the hell is your problem? Yall are both single, both stupid as hell for not seeing you love each other and even better now he’s out so you can freely pursue him without looking like a lovesick idiot. So I really don’t see a problem here.” 

“Just because he’s out doesn't mean shit. He is still so confused and scared there’s no way he needs to add on the fact that I’m fucking in love with him to his plate. If you saw his face-” Rocky’s voice cracked as the image of Sanha crying in the hospital bed crossed his mind. Sanha looked so pitiful and broken, he never wanted to see him like that again or let alone risk being the cause of it. This situation would need to be approached delicately if Rocky ever dared to even tell him.

“If you saw his face you would understand why I am beyond furious with you right now.” Rocky clenched his fists by his sides as he threw his head back to fight the angry tears that were threatening to fall.

“Now that he knows shouldn’t you be relieved though? You don't have to hide it anymore.” Moonbin was more confused than angry at this point. Bin spent hours almost every week consoling Rocky over failed dates and his love for the maknae that he couldn’t find a way to suppress. Rocky paced as Moonbin tried to find more words to say but his state of confusion could only produce silence.

Finally, Rocky’s feet halted in front of Moonbin, the angry tears finally snuck past his eyelids and began to fall one after another quickly building up a tsunami of tears streaming down Rocky’s tired face.

“I didn’t get to tell him, I didn’t get to hold his hand and look him in the eyes when I said it, I didn’t-” Rocky choked on his words as he just let the sobs take him over, his body crumpling to the floor like a discarded plastic bag. 

“Wow, I’m-” Moonbin was speechless, he knelt down and placed a gentle hand on Rocky’s shoulder. In 10 years he had never seen his best friend cry so hard. Moonbin just watched for a moment gathering his thoughts, being extra sure he didn’t speak too hastily this time.

“I’m sorry I got carried away, I really didn’t mean any harm by it. I wish I could take it back.” Moonbin softened his voice in an attempt to sound sincere.

“But now I have to go back there and deal with it. You can just go back to bed and pretend nothing happened.”

“I’m sorry again, I could go with you, I've always said I’d be by your side if you needed me, right? Every night that you’ve whined to me about your love for Sanha-”

“I don’t want you anywhere near me right now.” Rocky shrugged Moonbin’s hand away from his shoulder as he stood up to leave the room, his face now stone-cold again as he pushed back the urge to rip Bin a new asshole.

“Fair enough, good luck with Sanha, I hope he takes it well. Again, I’m sorry ” Moonbin mumbled under his breath, his apologetic voice trailed off as Rocky slammed the door.

Rocky took a moment to fix his face. He hastily wiped his tears and snotty nose on his bloodstained sleeves, the shirt was trash at this point anyway. He walked in the living room as if nothing had happened, the room was just as silent as he left it with everyone but Sanha already back in bed. Sanha sat up straight at the sound of Rocky’s footsteps plodding across the wooden floors.

“What was that about, I Moonbin still alive?” Sanha asked, his face full of worry as if he wasn't the one that was just discharged from the hospital.

"Why don't we get some rest now and we can talk more later, huh?" Rocky returned to his seat at the end of the sofa and reclined the seat back taking one of the couch pillows laying it in his lap gesturing for Sanha to lay down. Sanha turned around, without hesitation, to lay his head in Rocky's lap, just as they have done many nights before.

Just as they got settled, Eunwoo walked into the living room carrying a pile of clothes, pillows and more blankets. 

“Figured y’all would want a change of clothes.” Eunwoo offered, his gentle face fixed into a soft and reassuring expression. The two sat up and thanked Eunwoo for the clothes and bedding.

“Do you need some help?” Eunwoo, looking at Sanha, motioning towards the sling on the boy’s arm.

“No, I think I've got it, but thank you Nu.” 

“If either of you needs anything, let us know, ok? We love you, goodnight.” Eunwoo said as he left, heading back to his room to get a few more hours of shut-eye.

“We love yall too,” they both chimed in unison, loud enough for the whole house to hear.

A chorus of “I love you’s” and “goodnight’s” rang through the dorm as they did almost every night. After the dorm went silent Rocky began to change out of his bloody clothing, some of the blood had leaked through the fabric leaving dried bloodstains upon his chest. Rocky groaned as he went to go get some paper towels, it was too late, or perhaps now, too early for a shower.

“Hey, let me get you a wet paper towel.” Sanha got up quickly heading for the kitchen, even with a slight limp he tried his best to be faster than Rocky. Sanha was very suddenly stopped in his tracks by Rocky’s stern glare staring back at him. 

“No, you are gonna sit back down. You are supposed to be resting.” 

“But-”

“No, bu-” Rocky noticed his voice still held some subtle angry tones, he stopped in the middle of a word to clear his throat, “No, buts Sanha, it’s just a little blood. No big deal, ok? Do you want a paper towel too?” Rocky’s voice returned to its normal state as he smiled sympathetically at Sanha.

“Yes hyung, please,” Sanha said as he sulked back to his seat, pouting like a two year old the whole way.

Rocky rapidly cleaned himself off so that Sanha wouldn't be alone for too long, he easily gets into trouble it seems when left to his own devices lately. When Rocky reentered the living room, his chest was still slightly damp and glistening, the golden morning sun peeking through the blinds made his bare skin look as if it was actually glowing. Sanha looked at him for a moment before turning away and blushing, he had seen every member shirtless, hell, everyone had seen each other naked, but this was different. 

“Sanha, you've seen me shirtless before, pick your jaw up off the floor,” Rocky giggled as the heat began to rise on his own cheeks.

“Yea, but especially now, I feel like I’m not supposed to look.” He said covering his eyes. 

Rocky rolled his eyes, “You truly are still our baby aren’t you? Please don't let what Bin said change anything, just try to forget you ever heard it, ok?” 

“Shut up, I mean I can try, but can we just please talk about it at least first?” Sanha pressed him, he wanted to know more.

"No please, just drop it for now,” Rocky’s words grated against Sanha’s eardrums. 

Sanha stared into the void, motionless as his thoughts sped up to a blistering pace, _“Was it a lie? Does Rocky not want me after this? Could Bin have been joking, he wouldn't joke about that, right? Does Rocky just want to be friends now because of this? How long has he felt like this? Does he still like me, maybe he doesn't and never told Bin? How long have I had feelings for him? Do I tell him now? If Rocky doesn't want me no one will want me for sure?”_

“Sanha? Saaaanhhaaa? **Sanha!”** Rocky waved his hands in front of Sanha’s blanked-out face in an attempt to get his attention. In the time Sanha was spaced out he changed into his clean set of pajamas, discarding the ruined outfit in a haphazard pile on the floor. All the while, Sanha continued to stare into space as if he was frozen in time. 

**“Sanha!”** Rocky said in an exaggerated whisper, trying his best to snap Sanha out of it while making sure to not disturb the members who were surely sleeping by now.

“Oh sorry Rocky… I was just thinking about stuff.” Sanha struggled to hide the emotions that were ever so evident in his pained expression. 

“That’s ok, You sure you don't want help? I really don’t mind,” 

“Yeah I’m sure. I've got it.” Sanha winced as he struggled to get his arm out of the prison that was the sling. 

“Nope, I’m helping you, that's it no arguing.” Rocky motioned at him to stand up. 

“Now see this nifty thing here is called velcro,” He teased as he unfastened the sling from around Sanha’s neck with ease.

“Look I’m just tired, I’m not stupid,” Sanha uttered, taking offense to Rocky’s words.

“I know Sanha, I just thought it would make you laugh, sorry...”

Sanha pouted as Rocky helped him gingerly out of his tattered and bloodstained outfit, discarding them into the same pile with his trashed clothing. Sanha never felt awkward or shy when it came to changing in front of the members, but of course, the fact that the man helping him change may or may not have a crush on him, completely changed the situation. Silently, Rocky helped Sanha step into his clean sleep shorts and quickly but gently began to help the kid with his shirt.

As Rocky smoothed out Sanha’s shirt he let his hand linger for a moment near Sanha’s heart, "but for the record, you deserve the world and more,” Rocky paused, as much as he wanted to envelop Sanha with all his love, right now was not the time, it wasn’t right. 

_“You are perfect and beautiful in every way idiot, I love you, I truly love you Yoon Sanha,”_ Rocky thought to himself, as he crossed his arms and squeezed to prevent himself from doing what he truly wanted. 

“But we still aren’t discussing this yet, ok? You need some time to process, it’s been a crazy night." 

“Do you promise to talk about it later then,” Sanha was still slightly emboldened by the last tiny bit of liquid courage that was slowly being processed by his liver, he stepped forward making the space between them non-existent. He rested his head in the crook of Rocky’s neck, his knees slightly bent to match the boy's height. Before Rocky could step back, Sanha wrapped his arms around Rocky’s waist. As much as Sanha wanted to squeeze him tight, that wasn’t an option, he settled for the next best thing and nuzzled his face against Rocky’s neck. 

Sometime’s words aren't enough for Sanha and Rocky, they seem to have always had a language all their own through skinship. Right now was one of those moment’s, Rocky didn't say a word as he tenderly wrapped his arms around Sanha, being careful to grip Sanha tight enough to convey the words his mouth couldn't say, but still soft enough that it wouldn't hurt Sanha’s tired and painful body. Sanha could feel every ounce of what Rocky was feeling right now, he knew he was loved, as much as the voices in his head would like him to believe otherwise. No words needed to be exchanged before the emotions became too much for Sanha to handle all over again, his body went limp as he let out the most pitiful sounding sobs. Rocky was quick to catch him before they both ended up on the floor, he carefully brought them back to the couch, Rocky cooing words of comfort to Sanha all the while. 

Rocky set them up as they were before, he was reclined on the end of the couch with Sanha’s head in his lap. Sanha was facing him, his head buried into Rocky’s abdomen as an attempt to muffle the heart-breaking cries that came from his mouth. Rocky continued to coo, shush and even sing until Sanha finally went silent, he had cried himself to sleep. His eyes were still slightly weeping but Rocky could tell from Sanha’s precious and ever endearing snoring that he was fast asleep.

"Good night, Sanha, I love you,” Rocky said as he stroked Sanha’s hair until the repetitive but calming motioned lulled him to sleep as well.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 11:20 pm DDANA: Will you talk to me about it now 
> 
> 12:00 pm DDANA: Will you talk to me about it now 
> 
> 1:05 pm DDANA: Will you talk to me about it nooooooow 
> 
> 1:29 pm RAKI: No please just wait 

Days have now passed since Sanha’s drunken escapades, the dorm was unusually quiet as the loudest of the six, Moonbin, Rocky and Sanha, have avoided all contact with each other since that night. Jinwoo, Myungjun and Rocky were currently in the living room quietly playing games on their phones. Sanha was in his room doing the same thing he had been doing for days now scrolling through the messages on his phone and thinking. It was really the only interaction he had with Rocky aside from Rocky bringing him all his meals so that he could rest.

_11:20 pm_ **DDANA:** Will you talk to me about it now 

_12:00 pm_ **DDANA:** Will you talk to me about it now 

_1:05 pm_ **DDANA:** Will you talk to me about it nooooooow 

_1:29 pm_ **RAKI:** No please just wait 

_5:13 pm_ **DDANA:** I’m hungry ( ͒˃̩̩⌂˂̩̩ ͒) 

_5:32 pm_ **RAKI:** I’m cooking dinner now give me another hour ok, you smelt it right? 

_5:33 pm_ **DDANA:** YESSSS it smells yummy as always. Can we talk after dinner… pls

 _5:37 pm_ **RAKI:** fine… you aren’t gonna let it go and actually rest until we do (¬_¬)

 _5:37 pm_ **DDANA:** I just have a lot of questions we don’t even talk to me outside of mealtimes… I just want my friend back

 _5:38 pm_ **RAKI:** Sanha… I never left I just, well we’ll talk later ok

Sanha sighed as he fell back onto his pillows letting his phone fall to the floor, they were finally going to talk. The mix of emotions left him speechless as he stared up at the ceiling as if it would give him some insight into how to process his thoughts or lack thereof. 

_“He’s just gonna-”_ before Sanha could finish his thought there was a knock at his door that snapped him back down to earth, instinctively answering whoever it was. Moonbin slowly peeped his head inside the doorframe. 

“I didnt wake you, did I?” Moonbin asked as he gently closed the door behind him.

“No, I was just thinking…” Sanha said propping himself up on his good arm.

Moonbin sat on the edge of the bed and without hesitation placed his hand on Sanha’s squeezing it gently. Contrary to his sweet and loving actions Moonbin’s words were blunt, “Why’s your face look like that?” 

Sanha crinkled his face up more than it already was in reaction to Moonbin’s comment seemingly unaware of his own facial expressions.

“Yea, like that. Why does it look like that?” Moonbin pointed at Sanha’s furled eyebrows, he may have been blunt about it but he truly was concerned about the kid. 

“Oh,” Sanha relaxed his face giving his head a little shake to compose himself, “like I said just thinking.” 

“Do you wanna talk about it? I actually came in here to talk to you and I think it might be the thing you are thinking about though, but you go first and we will see where it goes... if you want.” Moonbin chuckled nervously, out of habit he began scratching behind his ear. 

Sanha being just as blunt as Bin was, “why would I tell you if the reason we’re in this mess is because of you not keeping a secret?” 

“Oh,” Moonbin retracted his hand and stood up taking a few steps back, “I’m sorry Sanha, look I can just-” 

The regret began to pool in the pit of Sanha's stomach so he spoke up again quickly stopping Moonbin as he headed for the door, “No wait I didn't mean it, please don’t leave, sorry, its really you that I need to talk to honestly…”

Moonbin sat down on the floor to give Sanha some space, “Sure, please go ahead,” he said flashing an apologetic smile.

“Why would you even say that? Rocky clearly doesn’t like me like that. Have you seen how he’s been acting, he won’t even talk to me now…” Sanha huffed rolling his eyes since crossing his arms was out of the question at the moment.

“He does though, do you know how many countless hours I’ve had to sit and listen to his sappy ass whine about loving you,” Moonbin tone was getting defensive.

“Well clearly now he’s changed his mind thanks,” Sanha snapped back, letting his emotions take control of the conversation rather than his brain.

Moonbin shot to his feet and pointed angrily at Sanha's face, “You take that back! if you saw what-” Moonbin paused mid-sentence becoming keenly aware of what he just said, his face turning red as he scratched nervously again. 

“Wow,” Moonbins voice returned to its normal placid tone, “I sound just like Rocky.” Bin shook his head at his own admission. 

“I can’t say much, I’ve already said too much as you and Rocky have both said, but don’t think for a second he doesn’t love you still.” 

“Are you sure?”

“I am 100% sure Sanha.”

Sanha sunk back into his bed pulling the covers up to his chin clumsily with his one good arm, “I don’t think I’m gonna be able to believe it until I talk to Rocky myself, I really like him too, but I just, there’s no way.” He peered over the covers at Moonbin wanting to just sink as far down in his mattress as possible. It felt as if the comfort from the memory foam, the pillows, and blankets cradling his body would help him escape the voices in his head telling him that Bin is wrong and he’s just a lovesick idiot, but that wasn’t the case. 

“Well that’s understandable, I wish you could believe me but I know why you don’t, just go easy on him Rocky is really doing his best but, he’s not the rock he pretends to be sometimes.” Moonbin sat down on the bed placing his hand on Sanhas good shoulder, gripping it slightly. 

“You too, go easy on yourself. You don’t have to fight all this stuff going on in your head alone anymore, you never did in the first place,” Moonbin could stay serious for but so long, “baby!” Bin teased as Sanha immediately grabbed the nearest plushy to smack him with resulting in a, slightly more careful than usual, pillow fight. In the chaos, they didn’t notice as Myungjun walked in, startling Moonbin when Myungjun tapped him on the shoulder. Myungjun couldn’t help but double over laughing as Bin jumped over Sanha hiding in the mountain of plushies lined up on the edge of the bed against the wall. 

“AHHAHAHAHA BIN AHAHA I- AHAHA!” Myungjun could barely speak through his laughter, this continued for a while eventually with Bin and Sanha caught up in the contagious sound as well. 

After a few more minutes of off and on hysterical laughter and joking, Myungjun took a few deep breaths sighing with a slight chuckle still lingering, “ahhhh yes what I came in here for, dinner is almost done. It’s good to see you two laughing again, I missed it.” Myungjun smiled sincerely at the pair as they climbed off the bed quickly at the mention of food. 

“Wait don’t you usually eat in bed?” Bin asked Sanha motioning for him to lay back down. 

“Yes, but I heard Jimin and Jungkook hyungs voices and I haven’t seen them in a while so I at least want to say hi or something.” Sanha shrugged as he slowly trudged out of the room his legs felt like wet noodles under him from resting so much lately. 

* * *

Sanha made his way to the kitchen, once in sight of everyone he was instantly greeted with warm and tender hugs from Jimin and Jungkook.

“Eunwoo told us about your fall? Are you ok to be up right now?” Jimin took the initiative to help Sanha to the kitchen table even though Sanha insisted he was ok. Everyone but Rocky, who was still cooking, followed them to the table. 

“Eunwoo didn’t tell you everything yet did he?” Sanha’s face began to glow red as he was surrounded by his members and friends. 

“Oh no he just said you got drunk and had a bit of a fall, wait does that mean there’s a story?” Jungkook was quick to put the pieces together from how Sanha was acting, he was closer to Eunwoo but Astro had become like family to them so it was easy to tell when something was off. 

“It’s a long story do I have to tell it again?” Sanha sighed, he hated being put on the spot even if it was with people he trusted. 

“Can I sum it up for them, like all of it?” Myungjun asked, bouncing on his heels excitedly as if he had the juiciest high school gossip to share at the lunch table. Sanha nodded with a bit of slight apprehension in his face, but anything to not have to tell the whole story for the nth time. 

“So basically Sanha was a lonely closeted gay, got drunk, ran into Rocky at that club we all like, got scared and ran… and fell… HARD!” Myungjun added flair to his words with his hand gestures causing the members to chuckle, meanwhile Jungkook and Jimin stood in shock. 

“Was meaning you are out now? Right?” Jungkook spoke cautiously, Sanha shook his head yes and smiled brightly, he was comfortable here because he knew he was in good company with his family surrounding him he didn’t need to feel ashamed and, for the moment, he wasn’t. 

“Ddana,” Jungkook and Jimin cooed in unison, “we are so very proud of you, come here!” Jimin went in for another hug wrapping his arms around Sanha’s waist so he could hug him as hard as he pleased without bothering Sanhas arm that was in the sling still. Jungkook joined in as well both now enveloping him with all their love. 

“We are so proud of you if you ever need anything you know we are family, you can always come to us, all of us, ok?” Jungkook whispered to Sanha in his pleasantly warm voice causing tears to well up in Sanha's eyes for what felt like the millionth time this week. The group surrounding Sanha dispersed as they all took their seats at the large dining table. Sanha wiped away the few tears that fell swiftly trying to avoid anyone noticing, which was hard since he was currently the center of attention. 

“Awwww, no crying Sanha cause guess what? We’ve got a party to plan!” Eunwoo opened his large, leather-bound planner tapping his pen ready to take down details. 

Jinwoo delicately rested his hand on Sanha’s, “Are you ready to talk about this, it can wait you know?” 

“Yes I’m ready, I’m getting really bored of laying around all day anyways.” Sanha’s energy was slowly returning as he gave a little bounce in his seat, this reassured everyone that he was ok, at least for now. 

“First off, venue options? Ideas?” Eunwoo asked, jotting down notes.

“You can use our dorm if you’d like!” Jimin offered.

“Yeah it has a ton of room for guests and is really secure so you don’t have to worry about any prying eyes!” Jungkook said his bright doe-like eyes sparkling with excitement. 

“There has to be good food!” Moonbin chimed. 

“And music, I wanna dance!” Myungjun added as Eunwoo continued to take notes.

“Oh and guests, there are so many people we can invite!” Eunwoo said, lifting his head only for a moment before returning to furiously writing in the planner.

“Aren’t yall forgetting something?” Rocky hollered out from the kitchen, still cooking but intently listening to the conversations. 

“Uhhh, yea… we didn’t ask Sanha… opps” Jinwoo cringed as they all did when they realized their error.

“I was just gonna sit here until yall noticed,” Sanha laughed, half finding the situation funny and half slightly offended. 

“Well, what do you think?” Eunwoo asked as he anxiously tapped his foot waiting for an answer. 

“Thank you all really, I really appreciate everything yall are trying to do,” Sanha said looking around the table with a sincere smile painted across his face, “But, if it’s ok and no offense to anyone, I really just wanna hang out here with the members…” Sanha exhaled deeply before continuing, “it was really tough to have a comeback with just five of us and then this all happens, I really just wanna lay around and watch movies with the members’ nothing extravagant, if that’s ok? And I’m sorry really please don’t take off-”

Jimin interrupted Sanha before he could even finish the word, “None taken, no need to explain yourself or apologize, it's ok, we are just happy that you are doing well now!” Jimin’s cheeks went up as he smiled making his already gentle face somehow kinder and softer. 

“Yes, of course, none taken! This day is gonna be to celebrate you, so it’s what you want Sanha, don’t apologize for just stating what you want.” Jungkook’s face almost perfectly mirrored Jimin’s, their affectionate smiles comforted Sanha in a way he couldn’t explain, but it felt warm, like a hug from a friend you haven’t seen in years. 

“Thanks guys, that really means a lot,” Sanha uttered shyly, he really had no clue how to react to their unending kindness. 

Across the table, Eunwoo quietly closed the planner somewhat embarrassed by his eagerness, “Whatever you say goes Ddana, we are all just so proud of you!” A chorus of ‘yeses’ and other various words of agreement sounded out from around the table. 

Rocky finally joined the group at the table with a big pot of soup, enough for a small army, which was maybe just barely enough for all the hungry men anxiously waiting. “Yes Sanha as we have all said many times we are so proud of you, now let’s dig in! Wait I’m forgetting the side dishes, hold up.” Rocky sat the pot down on the trivet at the center of the dining table and turned to head back in the kitchen before being stopped by Moonbin, this was their first interaction in days.

“Let me get them, you sit down,” Moonbin held Rocky’s shoulder for a moment as he walked past him into the kitchen swiftly returning with the side dishes. 

“Sanha, can I ask you a question?” Jungkook asked, already reaching for the food. 

“Sure,” Sanha mumbled with a mouth full of bread, he was the first to grab a roll the second Bin sat them on the table, 

“Mind if we at least send you all some dinner and snacks when yall have the movie night, this way yall can just enjoy and it saves Rocky from cooking?” The maknaes were one and the same, Jungkook as well spoke through a mouth full of dinner rolls. 

“Mmhm, sounds good!” Sanha gave him a thumbs-up as he spoke with his mouth full of various foods, this earned an eye roll from a few of the members. Under normal circumstances Sanha would’ve been scolded but his hyungs were just happy to see him up and about so they let it go. 

* * *

Dinner went by smoothly with everyone now back in their respective corners of the house leaving Sanha once again alone, in his bed, with his thoughts. His phone vibrated against the wooden floor before he could get too deep into his thoughts. 

_8:03 pm_ **RAKI:** Can I come in?

 _8:03 pm_ **DDANA:** It’s your room too ┐(￣ヘ￣)┌

Rocky was already waiting outside the door, as soon as he got confirmation from Sanha he entered the room. Sanha began to play on his phone assuming Rocky just came in to get something completely forgetting what they talked about earlier, but when part of his mattress sank in so did his heart. There was nowhere to run, Sanha was between Rocky and the wall now, stuck and having to face the tension between them. 

“You said you wanted to talk now right?” Rocky asked not even turning to face Sanha as if that would make this situation any easier on either of them. 

“Well actually if it’s ok with you can it wait… I just- I’m anxious and I think maybe you were right, it can wait,” 

_Please hear this as I am scared shitless because I love you so much and can’t imagine the possibilities of either answer right now and I don't want to cry again cause my eyes already hurt so much still._ Sanha thought to himself as he curled himself into a ball clutching his baby blanket tight to his chest. 

“Remember I told you we will talk when you are ready so if you aren’t that’s ok, get some rest and I’ll be just a text away.” In lieu of a comforting smile, Rocky gave him a gentle pat on the hip as he got up to leave. As he quietly shut the door Rocky’s heart shattered into a million tiny pieces as he heard Sanha whisper ‘thank you’ in quite possibly the tiniest voice he’d ever heard. He knew he couldn’t rush things with Sanha, but that didn't make it hurt any less. Rocky would give up almost anything to be able to kiss away Sanha’s pain or attempt to, but that wasn’t how the real world worked but it wouldn’t hurt to try, he thought. All Rocky could do for now was wait and find a quiet corner to dry his tears.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You don't have to be a mind reader to know that you two are madly in love with each other, it’s painfully obvious to anyone that knows yall. It's by the act of some god with a cruel sense of humor that yall aren't together yet I'm sure. There actually might also be a tiny little bet going on about how long it will take for yall to get together…” Moonbin giggled, as much as he wanted to shake Rocky and tell him exactly what he knew Bin understood it as best left at that. 

The many dark corners of the house seemed too far, Rocky slid down the wall opposite of the doorway, tears no longer being blinked away or held back. _“I just have to give him time, right… He will come around, I’m being stupid, a hypocrite. I could just go back in and cuddle with him, we don't have to talk, we can just lay in silence… I just want to hold him and tell him it will be ok,”_ As the thoughts passed through his head Rocky’s body quaked, choking on the sobs that he was desperately holding trying back to keep quiet.

All of a sudden Myungjun bolted past Rocky into their shared room, Rocky was almost sure at that speed Myungjun failed to notice his small figure in the poorly lit hallway. Myungjun wasn't as oblivious as Rocky hoped though, Myungjun knew something was up and slammed the door behind him acting as if he was still in a rush, but at this point couldn't even remember why he was running to the room anyways.

“What was all that about?” Myungjun whispered, flopping himself onto Sanhas bed curling up close to him with no sense of personal space. 

Sanha wiggled his way around to face Myungjun, who still had his arms full around Sanha, “What do you mean?” He asked cocking his eyebrow up. 

“Wait, nevermind then it's probably nothing, just come here and cuddle,” Myungjun wasn’t gonna bother Sanha about Rocky if he didn't have to, he would check up on Rocky in a little while. 

“Yes to cuddles,” Sanha nuzzled his head into Myungjun’s shoulder, humming contently. “But seriously what do you mean?” He whined, playfully slapping Myungjun’s chest.

“You aren’t gonna let this go are you?” Myungjun said, Sanha couldn’t see his face but by the tone of Myungjun’s voice he could tell Myungjun was rolling his eyes. 

“Nope!” Sanha chimed cutely as he smushed himself closer to Myungjun. “I am cutie I get what I want!” 

“Weren’t you just going on about-”

“I’ll be cute when I wanna, hush,” Sanha giggled knowing he had Myungjun, as well as the rest of the hyungs, wrapped around his finger.

Myungjun sighed knowing it was no use in trying to argue with him, “Fine, but only because I’m worried not because you are cute.” 

“Sure, keep telling yourself that,” Myungjun reeled his hand back to smack him causing Sanha to flinch, “when you get better I'm gonna beat your ass, I swear... ANYWAYS, why is Rocky all sad?” 

Sanha sat up instantly, his face changed as well, a subdued and worried expression replaced his cute and playful one in a matter of milliseconds. “What do you mean sad? He was fine when he left the room?” 

“Yeah, he was sitting in the hall looking like he just lost his only friend,” Sanha’s face twisted into a pout, his eyebrows pushed together and bottom lip curled out, “wait maybe not the phrase I should use, he’s sad very sad.” MYungjun knew those probably weren't the best words to be using right now, but they were said and can't be undone.

“I know why, move,” Sanha shoved Myungjun aside and headed for the door he only stopped for a second when he noticed Myungjun was just a step behind him, “please don't follow me,” Sanha walked out the door purpose in each footstep, he never meant for Rocky to be upset. He couldn't let another moment pass by knowing it was because of something he said.

* * *

Meanwhile, Moonbin was getting ready to head to his room to begin to wind down for the night when he noticed a small figure in the hallway huddled in the fetal position. Without hesitation, Bin rushed over to them, squatting down and cradling them in his arms. He knew who it was instantly, Bin knew his scent anywhere, it was an unmistakable mix of cologne, the practice room and sweat, it wasn't a bad smell, but it was very distinctly Rocky. Moonbin tried to back off for a moment knowing Rocky might not want him of all people consoling him, but before he could Rocky threw his arms around Bin’s neck pulling him back. 

“Hey, let's go someplace quiet, ok?” 

A simple, _mmhm,_ was all Rocky’s feeble voice could muster as Moonbin lifted them up and walked them to his room. 

Rocky never let go, even as they sat down on the bed he clutched his arms around Moonbin finally just letting the trapped sobs escape now that he was in a safe space. 

“Sanha, right?” Bin asked, gently rubbing Rocky’s back. 

“Mhmm”

“What happened? He didn’t turn you down did he?” Moonbin was genuinely confused, he knew they both were madly in love and wanted the same exact thing.

“No I’m-” Rocky’s voice choked around the words lumped in his throat. 

“Just breathe for a minute, then we will talk.” Moonbin continued to stroke Rocky’s back, calmly humming one of Rocky's favorite tunes. The tears never stopped but Rocky was able to even out his breathing enough to speak. 

“I just wish I didn’t ignore him the first twenty times he asked to talk, now he doesn’t want to talk. I gave him space so he could heal but I may have given him too much space, I just wanna fix this... he said he just wanted his best friend back. I didn’t mean to ‘leave’ him, I just wanted to be sure he was comfortable.” Rocky rambled on, forgetting to breathe for a moment having to pause and take a deep breath before continuing, “I didn't want to pressure him into anything or make him feel like something needed to be decided now and I definitely didn’t want to bring this up while we are both lonely and sad. I want us to be together because we both want it, not just because we are available and lonely. I just want to be happy again… I’m so fucking stupid,” Rocky hit his head against Moonbin’s firm bicep in frustration with himself.

“Oh Rocky,” Bin nudged Rocky off his shoulder and gently lifted Rocky’s chin up so he could look him in the eyes, “stop beating yourself up, quite literally,” he said with a slight chuckle. 

“I’m not gonna lie, you are being stupid, you and Sanha are best friends, you have a good point about wanting to be sure about it but you could’ve discussed that with him and I know he would understand. He’s got a good head on his shoulders as do you, y’all will figure it out I’m sure.” Rocky averted his eyes as the guilt set in knowing that everything Moonbin said was accurate. 

“Hey, look at me,” Moonbin moved his head to follow Rocky’s eyes, “I’m not saying this to make you feel bad or anything, what's done is done, but trust me when I say it will all work out.” Moonbin grinned, scrunching his cheeks up so much so that it hid his eyes momentarily. 

“You say that all the time how are you sure?” Rocky whined with a heavy exhale, resting his head against Moonbin’s shoulder. 

“You don't have to be a mind reader to know that you two are madly in love with each other, it’s painfully obvious to anyone that knows yall. It's by the act of some god with a cruel sense of humor that yall aren't together yet I'm sure. There actually might also be a tiny little bet going on about how long it will take for yall to get together…” Moonbin giggled, as much as he wanted to shake Rocky and tell him exactly what he knew Bin understood it as best left at that. 

Rocky sat up a little slightly intrigued by Moonbins admission, “But well we aren't and I don't know if we will be anytime soon, but out of curiosity who is currently winning, just for shits and giggles"

“Me of course, although if it isn’t in the next 2 weeks Eunwoo will be the next closest. Loser buys dinner for everyone.” 

Rocky was able to conjure up a tiny smirk, “I don't care if any of yall win, to be honest, I just want to be- no, I just need Sanha to be happy again… If he’s happy I’ll be happy,” his voice was again choked around his words, “no matter what.”

Moonbin pulled Rocky into his chest muffling the sobs as the returned with a vengeance, “Oh Rocky,” he muttered pitifully as he nuzzled the top of Rocky’s head with his own. "You don't always have to put everyone's happiness first you know it's-"

A knock on the door interrupted Moonbin, Sanha poked his head just barely inside the doorframe, "Is Rocky-" for a brief moment they locked eyes, Rocky's puffy eyes and red swollen face was rarely witnessed by anyone and never by Sanha. He had seen him cry before of course but never like this, his heart dropped to the deepest pits of his stomach almost making him retch. 

"I'll just go," Sanha began to close the door only to be stopped by Moonbin rushing over grabbing the doorknob before Sanha could pull it shut. 

"No, please Sanha, come in, I think I'm the one that needs to go," Moonbin stepped out as he gently nudged Sanha inside the room. 

"Sure I guess…" Sanha said walking timidly towards the bed and Moonbin shut the door behind him. 

“Hey.”

“Hey.” 

Sanha sat down beside him and took a deep breath before reaching out to hold Rocky’s hand, gently placing their interlaced fingers on his lap. 

“I didn’t mean to make you sad, I never wanted to see you cry like this ever, I’m sorry…” Sanha apologized as he tightened his grip on Rocky’s hand. 

“No, it’s ok, see I’m fine!” Rocky did his best to wipe away the tears and smile but Sanha knew better than to fall for it. 

“It’s not ok, were adults, right? Let's just talk, please?” Sanha looked down too afraid to look at Rocky as he waited for an answer. For a while there was just the silence and some faint sniffles, Sanha picked up their hands that were still tightly woven together and placed his lips delicately on Rocky’s knuckles kissing them before placing their hands back in his lap.

The room was so still Rocky’s gulp was easily heard causing Sanha to tense up, “Yes, let's talk.”

  
  
  



	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I just want this over with. I hate it, I hate that things are changing, I just wanna go back! I’d rather be sad and lonely than to lose you, can’t we just pretend none of this happened?” Sanha cried as his emotions took the lead, letting his mouth get ahead of him again.
> 
> Rocky took in a shaky breath, “I hate it too, do you really think I’m happy right now?” His words hitched in his throat as Rocky desperately fought back the urge to sob, “Do you really want to just go back to being just, friends, is that what you want?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all sorry for the long wait this chapter means the absolute world to me everything is finally as I intended it. I hope you enjoy c:

“Let’s get this over with. I just want my best friend back at the very least,” Sanha whined as he let his head flop into the palms of his hands. As much as he knew this needed to be done, the tears that stung his eyes made him want to pick up, run and never look back. 

“Hey, look at me,” Rocky tried to move Sanha’s hands away from his face but to no avail, “I haven’t gone anywhere, we will always be friends no matter what,” He hesitated for a moment to try to find the right words.

In that moment of hesitation, Sanha went into panic mode. Did his ears hear that right? The dreaded F word… _friends._ Yes, Sanha wanted his best friend back but he hoped for more. His mind raced faster as he began to analyze the word ‘friend,’ was he just friendzoned? Maybe he was overthinking it, which was the most likely outcome, but maybe as irrational as it was maybe he was right all along. His thoughts no longer just in his head as Sanha uttered the word, just loud enough for Rocky to hear, “Friends?”

“Yea we will always be friends, I just-” 

Sanha fueled by panic interrupted Rocky, “Just what? Wanted to wait to let me down easy, wait until I was physically healed before hurting me emotionally, just what Rocky?” 

Rocky sighed, the frustration evident in his body language, “If you would just let me finish my sentence you might know what I was trying to say.” 

“I just want this over with. I _**hate**_ it, I _**h** **ate** _that things are changing, I just wanna go back! I’d rather be sad and lonely than to lose you, can’t we just pretend none of this happened?” Sanha cried as his emotions took the lead, letting his mouth get ahead of him again.

Rocky took in a shaky breath, “I hate it too, do you really think I’m happy right now?” His words hitched in his throat as Rocky desperately fought back the urge to sob, “Do you really want to just go back to being just, friends, is that what you want?” 

Sanha looked up from his hands, “Isn’t that what-” his body shuddered as he stumbled over his words, “what you want?” As much as Sanha wanted to be calm and collected coming into this talk, he wasn’t.

Time was distorted in the space between them. A single moment felt like many years of waiting and this one conversation had so many different outcomes and paths the overwhelming uncertainty made Sanha queasy as he waited for Rocky to answer him. He didn't have to wait long at all but even a few seconds felt like too much for Sanha.

“I want whatever you want,” Rocky gently took Sanha’s hand and held it between his own, giving it a reassuring squeeze just as Sanha did for him earlier, “please look at me?”

Sanha started to raise his head, once he raised it high enough he locked eyes with Rocky, tears still adorned Rocky’s cheeks, but his face was still that same kind and loving face that Sanha knew. The sight of the tears alone sent a sharp pain to Sanha’s chest causing him to flinch, he couldn’t take it. Sanha tucked his chin back to his chest, raising his shoulders in clear discomfort as his own tears picked up their pace.

Sanha refused to look up at him even with gentle coaxing so, Rocky decided to try a different tactic as he gracefully slid off the bed into the floor, squatting in the spot that Sanha had fixed his gaze upon. 

“Hey, you said let’s face this as adults, right?” Rocky moved to follow Sanha as he tried to look away, finally, he gave up on following his gaze and captured Sanha’s face between his hands, this gave him no other choice now but to look at Rocky. “Right?” Sanha melted, Rocky's voice was warm and kind and Sanha couldn’t fight against it any more simply nodding in agreement. He let go of Sanha’s face as he sat on the floor with his legs crossed. 

“What do you want, Sanha, be honest,” Rocky did his best not to let on to the fact that his stomach was in his throat and he felt as if he could pass out any moment from the anticipation and anxiety that surrounded his question. 

Sanha was silent, but his head was far from it, “ _You, I want you, I want to run into the sunset like a scene from some old movie and just be happy together. I want to forget the pain and sadness for a moment and just be happy for once. I want to wake up and smile because you are beside me. I just want to cuddle on the couch in the middle of the day with you without someone joking that we should just date or some other snide comment. I. just. want. you.”_

Those words seemed all too complicated for the current moment, Sanha opted for a much simpler reply, his voice sounded broken but the word was clear, “You.” 

They froze again as time wasn't just slower between them; it had come to a complete halt. Rocky couldn’t believe what he heard just as much as Sanha couldn’t believe what he had said. The pair began to panic internally, their thoughts were the same, “ _Is this really happening, am I dreaming, no that didn’t just happen…”_

“Wh-what?” Rocky asked in disbelief. 

Sanha slid off the bed, plopping down on the floor with his legs stretched out on either side of Rocky. It took all of his strength to choke out the word again as he began to hyperventilate. ‘You,’ it was such a simple word, yet it was a word with earth shattering potential. 

Rocky snapped out of his stupor to hold Sanhas’s hand, gently caressing the soft skin, “Breathe with me Sanha, in and out,” 

“You, I want you, all of you, I want to cuddle, I want to hold hands, I want to go on dates and be all cute and shit like the couples I see on the street on the street, I want to kiss you and hug you and get jealous stares from people because I’m dating the Park Minhyuk, I want to be with you every second of the day, and when we aren’t together I want that cheesy moment where we run into each other's arms and kiss, I just… I just want you to be mine,” Sanha babbled on barely taking a breath, by the time he stopped he had curled himself up into a ball. He finally took in a deep breath and sighed as he shoved his head in between his knees, Sanha just poured his heart out to the love of his life, he had avoided this for so long and now all of his feelings are finally out in the open. 

The words knocked Rocky back, quite literally, he sat back leaning on his hands in silence and shock as he struggled to gather his thoughts. 

“Say something… please…” 

“A-ar-are you… sure?” Rocky asked as he stared at the floor still and total and utter disbelief.

“What do you mean?!?!” Sanha squealed, his voice rising at least two octaves. 

Rocky frantically rushed to correct his words before Sanha might have gotten the wrong idea, “wait! No, I mean like are you sure you want… me?”

“Didn’t I just say that?!?! Do you not want that too?” Sanha exclaimed his voice somehow reaching higher octaves that he didn’t know he could reach. 

“Yes, of course, I want that! I just-” Rocky sighed, his thoughts were a jumbled mess, as much as he wanted to jump at the chance to say something cheesy or just smile and say yes, he couldn’t. The question still remained, do they want this because they are lonely or because they want each other. As obvious as the answer should be, Rocky needed to hear it directly from him. 

Rocky sat up on his knees and gently grasped Sanha's hand again not just to comfort Sanha but to comfort himself as well, “Sanha, are we sure we want to do this? Are we doing this for the right reasons? I’m scared, this is terrifying.” Rocky hated the fact that he had to admit how scared he was.

“What would be the wrong reasons?” Sanha questioned, confusion taking over his expression. 

“Well, we aren’t doing this just because we are like lonely and gay or anything, we really do like each other right? I know this is stupid to say I’m just scared,” he chuckled nervously as his grip on Sanha’s hand tightened. 

“Of course! I really like you, you freaking idiot…” Sanha let of Rocky’s hand tossing his good arm around the man’s neck as he whispered into Rocky’s ear, “but you’re my idiot.”

“And you’re mine,” Rocky replied as he buried his head in the crook of Sanha’s neck.

“So what all changes like I just want to be us, you know, if you know what I mean…” Sanha babbled nervously. 

“Well, I mean we get to go on dates, hold hands, cuddle more, gross-out homophobes together on purpose,” Rocky snickered at the last option. 

“Come here, let’s sit up here and get comfortable,” Rocky didn't wait for him to get up instead opting to lift him onto the bed, which took little effort. 

As soon as Rocky let go, Sanha tackle hugged him, laughing together as Sanha settled with his head on the man’s chest. “So, does this mean I can call you my booooyyyfrieeend?” Sanha asked shyly in his ‘bbubbu I’m the maknae’ baby voice.

“Only if I can call you mine,” Rocky winked using his tongue to make a cliche popping sound effect, making the moment all the more cheesy. 

“Oh my god stopppppp are you always this mushy!?!?!” Sanha whined as he tried to look fake disgusted but the look of love and happiness couldn’t be wiped from his face.

“Get used to it baaabbbyyyy.”

“OH, something else changes too!” Sanha exclaimed with excitement as he sprung up. 

“What’s that?” Rocky asked clueless as to what Sanha had planned. 

“Sit up, I wanna see your face.”

“Ooookkkkiiii…” He was confused but sat up with him anyway.

Sanha placed his hand on Rocky’s neck and pulled him close, letting their lips touch for only a second if it lasted any longer Sanha’s heart would explode, but Rocky had other ideas as he quickly pulled Sanha back into the kiss. Sanha panicked but for only a moment and gave in quickly as he returned the kiss, their lips slotted together perfectly as if they were made for each other. Rocky couldn’t contain his excitement as he began to smile into the kiss which caused Sanha to giggle. Soon their giggles turned into a full-on laughing fit as they fell back on the bed due to their hysterics. 

Unbeknownst to them, Moonbin re-entered the room, watching them rolling around as the room was full of the sound of their laughter. 

“That’s a sound I truly missed,” Moonbin said, announcing his presence.

In sync, Sanha and Rocky stopped laughing and whipped their heads towards the voice, only slightly relieved when they saw it was Moonbin. 

“How long were you…”

“Only a moment, just saw you two laughing like idiots,” Moonbin said matter-of-factly, “I mean was there something I wasn’t supposed to see,” he teased.

The embarrassment quickly took over their faces, they looked at each other in a panic unsure of how to answer, but it was ok Moonbin answered for them, “I’m sure its nothing to be that embarrassed about, unless you were having sex on my bed because then I’d have to murder you.” 

“NO NO NO! We would never!” Rocky exclaimed with a nervous chuckle while Sanha just stared on in shock. 

“I’m just kidding yall are too pent up,” Moonbin rolled his eyes as he flopped onto his bed beside them, “So care to enlighten me?”

“Uhhhhh…. what do you mean?” Sanha asked, his voice shaky from the embarrassment. 

“You won the bet!” Rocky squealed as he lurched forward attacking Moonbin with a hug. 

Moonbin screeched back, not forming any recognizable words just excited noises. 

Sanha tapped on Moonbin's shoulder, he was beyond confused and slightly annoyed at their loud squealing, “Ummm what did I miss?” 

“We will explain later, come here, I’M JUST SO HAPPY FOR YOU!!!” Moonbin pulled Sanha and Rocky into a group hug, in the excitement he forgot about Sanha’s hurt shoulder, at least until Sanha hollered out in pain. 

“Oh shit I am so sorry!” Moonbin looked like a deer in headlights as he watched Sanha grimace in pain. 

“It's fine, I’ll be fine, seriously, wait till I get back in the gym I’ll get my payback,” Sanha smirked giving Moonbin a light punch on his shoulder, Bin played along reacting to the punch dramatically falling and overreacting as if he was in extreme pain. Moonbin would do anything to make them smile after the hell of the past week, his antics had indeed made them smile and furthermore made them double over producing a joyous chorus of laughter. As the laughter died down Sanha let out a big yawn, his eyes felt suddenly heavy after the emotional rollercoaster he was just on. 

“We should get to bed shouldn't we, it’s getting late,” Rocky suggested as he hopped off the bed offering his hand to Sanha to help him up as well. 

“Y’all go get some sleep, I’m really happy for y’all I was so tired of hearing yall whine.”

“Shut up,” They retorted in unison, chuckling when they realized they were in sync.

“Ok Tweedledee and Tweedledumb, I love y’all goodnight!” Moonbin said with a scoff but in the most affectionate way possible. 

“Well, I guess we love you too,” Rocky chortled as he shut the door behind them and headed to their room. 

* * *

As they opened their door they were greeted by Myungjun still sitting on Sanha’s bed playing on his phone. Myungjun looked up and quickly shuffled off the bed, “I can leave if yall want some alone time,” 

“Oh no hyung, we are just going to bed, you can stay if you want,” Sanah smiled to reassure him that everything was ok. 

Myungjun walked over to the pair and then back with them to Sanha’s bed, “Everything ok now?” He asked cheerfully as his smile seemed to light up the whole room. 

“Yea **_we_ **are good just tired now, it’s been a long night,” Rocky replied, placing emphasis on the word ‘we.’

“Ohhhh ok,” Myungjun was quick to catch on, “get some rest you two, I have a few things I need to do in the office tonight so I’m gonna head out. If you need anything you know where I am,” He grinned softly as he got up and gave each of them a loving kiss on the forehead before he left the room. Myungjun didn't really have anything to do; he just wanted to give them some space like the angel he was. 

“So when will we tell them,” Sanha asked twiddling his thumbs anxiously. 

“Why don't we do it when we have that movie night you wanted, how does that sound?” Rocky suggested as he gave Sanha a reassuring pat on the thigh. 

“Well, that's if Binnie hasn’t told them…”

“Yea but, they will be ok with it, right? I’m kinda scared,” Sanha was still just as insecure and scared even though all of his hyungs had been constantly by his side reassuring him that everything was ok it would take time and possibly therapy to be fully confident in his own skin. 

“Remember that bet we were squealing about?”

“Yea...”

“Welllllll,” Rocky tensed up trying to hold back his laughter as he still couldn’t believe they had done this, “they had a bet going on about us, about how long it will take us to get together and well Bin won so the losers have to pay for a nice dinner for him.”

“So theeeyyy won’t beeee mad?” Sanha still needed that extra bit of assurance that it would be ok.

“Of course not, it will be ok baby,” Rocky ruffled the boy’s golden locks, placing a quick peck on his puffy cheeks, “I’ll be right there with you and then we can cuddle and watch movies and eat all the good food Jungkook and Jimin are sending us.” 

“That does sound good, can we do it this weekend? I want to tell them as quickly as possible! If we get it over with I won’t be so anxious about it,” Sanha said with a pout as he laid his head on Rocky's shoulder. 

“Yea I think we can arrange that, but for now let’s get some sleep, ok? It’s been a long day huh,” Rocky nuzzled his cheek against the top of Sanha’s head with a smile ten miles wide plastered on his face. Being able to hold and snuggle Sanha again felt like a dream come true. 

“Yea, let's get some sleep,” Sanha yawned as he crawled his way to his spot on the bed leaving room beside him for Rocky to join. 

They quickly settled down under the covers, Rocky held Sanha in his arms cradling Sanha against his chest and making sure to be careful of his shoulder. As they laid there in silence Rocky stroked Sanha’s hair gently humming a lullaby in hopes of helping Sanha fall asleep in peace. 

“Good night, thank you for being mine,” Sanha spoke softly as his voice was partially muffled by Rocky’s chest, distorted even further by his sleepiness. 

“Good night baby, I will always be yours, promise,” Rocky placed a kiss on the crown of Sanha’s head and returned to humming his lullaby until it lulled the both of them to sleep peacefully.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please stayed tuned there are two more chapters left! I hope you enjoyed it so far as much as I've enjoyed writing it! If you did please leave a kudos or comment. also if you want, follow me @astrofaery on twitter for updates on projects and just random multifandom(mainly astro) screaming! Love yall stay safe <3


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Movie night finally!!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this chapter was a whole month in the making, its been a rough month but thank you to all those that waited for it and cheered me on. Thanks to Mika, Em, Adam, Megs and Mena for being amazing and helpful throughout this whole process. I promise as long as nothing else tragic happens Ch 8 will only be a few weeks wait not a whole month ^.^ 
> 
> WARNING! This chapter contains mentions of sex (nothing graphic just the word and some insinuations) and maybe some kissing that I swore I wouldn't write but did anyways cause yall deserve it after I made yall wait for a whole month.
> 
> Also please please read the end notes because there is something important there for future reference!

The weekend arrived quickly and they were able to keep their secret under wraps with only a few close calls here and there. Normally on Saturdays, they all sleep in sometimes even until noon, but not today. At 8 am the whole dorm was startled awake by the doorbell ringing repeatedly. They all stumbled to the front room in their pajamas, Eunwoo heard the doorbell first and was already bringing in the many packages, platers, and a whole slew of pink roses and other assorted flowers. 

“Did anyone know this was coming?” Moonbin groaned, his voice still heavy with sleep. 

“Uhhh, did I forget to tell yall? Oops,” Eunwoo cringed, “Yea Jungkook texted me last night to say they were sending breakfast, sorry…” he apologized as he continued to bring in the various items. 

Sanha stood in the hallway, he was the final one to wake up and he wasn’t even sure if he was awake yet or not as he stood there in disbelief, “Is this all for me?”

“Looks like it,” Jinwoo said rubbing his eyes sleepily as he picked up a letter from one of the rose bouquets, handing it over to Sanha. 

Sanha sat down on the floor and opened the letter quietly as they all gathered around,reading over his shoulder. 

**_Sanha, we are all so incredibly proud of you, congratulations on being out! Hope you don’t mind that we took the liberty to not only cater y'all's dinner tonight but also breakfast. You all should be celebrating this day together even, if Rocky’s cooking is some of the best we’ve ever tasted (seriously invite us over for dinner again sometime shit was good). We know that you are celebrating now but things will probably get confusing and weird for a while as you find yourself in this new life. When they do, as is usually inevitable, just remember you are surrounded by people that love you so very much; us, Astro, and your fans will always be by your side no matter what. From the day that Eunwoo introduced us to you, you became part of our family and our lives forever and we will always love you. If you ever need anything you know how to contact us, no matter what time of day you can text us or call and we will be there just as we were before. None of that changes even though it seems like everything is changing for you right now. We are wishing you all the best and hope you enjoy your breakfast!_ **

**_BTS_ **

**_p.s._ **

**_-Jimin and Jungkook filled us in on everything. I hope that’s ok with you, once you heal up let’s get everyone together for dinner or something it's been a while. Really proud of you for coming out, even if it may not have been how you intended, I hope you know there are many people that are still so proud of you and love you. -Namjoon_ **

**_-Now that you are out I hope you remember to ‘Love yourself’ every day! -Seokjin_ **

**_-Really proud of you Sanha, if things get tough remember to take time for yourself and to just breathe sometimes. Also thank you for the Blue Flame album, I really liked ‘When The Wind Blows’. Don’t tell Rocky but I have a surprise for him! - Min Yoongi_ **

**_-I AM GOING TO SQUEEZE YOU NEXT TIME I SEE YOU, YOU PRECIOUS ANGEL PREPARE YOUR RIBS- JHOOOOPPPEEE_ **

**_-The roses were my idea! I hope you like them, I remember you saying your favorite color was pink at some point, if I’m wrong I’m sorry. How are you doing healing up now? I hope to see you again soon! -Jimin_ **

**_Taehyung drew a small scene instead of writing a note. Sanha was standing on the moon planting a flag and instead of an American flag (Apollo 11 style), it was the rainbow pride flag. At the bottom of the drawing was a heart and Taehyung’s signature._ **

**_-We are all really proud of you and love you a lot! Once you and Rocky are up for it we should go on a double date! Or a group date… yeah a group date! Maybe y’all can make Eunwoo and Bin act less like an old married couple when we go out. But only when y’all are ready, new relationships are hard to navigate especially with everything else that’s going on, but hey, if you ever need any advice from one maknae to another you can always text me! 🐰_ **

As soon as Sanha read the line "Once you and Rocky…" he bolted before anyone else could read it too. Rocky followed after him back to their shared room. Sanha curled himself up under the covers, hoping if he went back to sleep it would turn out that this was just a dream. 

"Sanha, what's going on?" Rocky asked wiggling his way under the covers holding his boyfriend tight in his arms. 

Sanha wasn't crying or even shaking but he definitely was in shock, "How do they know?!?"

"What do you mean?" 

"This!" Sanha held out the letter, pointing at Jungkook's note.

Rocky didn't take long to read it before he pulled Sanha around to face him. "Babe, Moonbin probably just let it slip you know him, or he told Eunwoo who let it slip… or something like that." 

"But-" Rocky stopped Sanha with a kiss before he could say another word.

"But nothing, don't you remember they all have a bet on us anyways?" Sanha didn't respond with words, instead, he buried himself into Rocky's shoulder uttering almost incoherent apologies. 

"I'm so scared though… I know-" Sanha groaned at himself in anger, "I know that they will be ok, I know they will be happy for us but I'm still SO SCARED!" 

"It's ok to be scared, whatever you are feeling right now it's ok, let yourself feel it instead of getting angry with yourself. Fighting your own feelings will just make it worse, can we talk about it?" Rocky did his best to comfort Sanha, who was now shaking like a leaf. 

"Talk about what exactly...," Sanha mumbled into Rocky's chest. 

Rocky gently guided Sanha off of his chest and into a comfortable sitting position before speaking, "Well, if you can, tell me what’s going through your head. Why are you so scared?” 

"Just a few days ago we were scared of telling each other, nevermind other people… it's all just going really fast and I thought I was ready to tell them but at the same time, who all already knows?… you didn't tell anyone, did you? How could they know and what if others find out? What then?" Sanha rambled on, his words sounded just as blurry as his thoughts which were still fogged by sleep. 

"We don't have to tell them just yet," Rocky brushed Sanha's bangs to the side, cupping that boy's puffy cheek in the palm of his hand, "we go at your pace, whatever you are comfortable with." 

Rocky reached up, now holding Sanha's face between both of his hands as he tenderly caressed the soft skin with his thumbs. "Awww~ hey now," Sanha began to sniff back tears, and in an attempt to make him smile Rocky kissed Sanha's forehead aggressively, almost too aggressively though. Rocky let out a pained chuckle when his teeth smashed against Sanha's hard head. The pain was worth it though as Sanha giggled lightly and just that small sound was enough to make Rocky's heart soar. He already loved Sanha so much, seeing him laugh even just a little bit made whatever pain he felt in his teeth immediately melt away. 

"I do want them to know though… I just want us to be the ones to tell them, and it's scary but if we do it together instead of them just finding out, I know it will be ok because you will be by my side telling them with me…" Sanha spoke shyly, fear riddled his voice but he knew what he wanted, even if it was terrifying. 

"Well," Rocky grasped Sanha's hand and hopped off the bed excitedly, "come one let's go, together, let's tell them!" 

"Now?"

"Yes now! I'll hold your hand the whole time!" Rocky smiled as he tried to drag Sanha off the bed all the while eagerly jumping in place. 

Sanha stood up with a sigh, "Let go of my hand and I'll run the other way, got it?" 

Rocky barely took the time to acknowledge Sanha's smartass remark before they dashed out the door, of course he wouldn't let go of his hand, he had already promised him that much a few nights ago. 

The dorm was small so within no time they were in front of the four, still very sleepy, members who had moved to the breakfast nook and we're already attacking the platters of fruits, meats, biscuits, eggs and other assorted breakfast items. 

"Hey, can we talk?" Rocky announced their presence to the group, they all whipped their heads around as if they were kids caught with their hand in the cookie jar. He rolled his eyes the food wasn’t that important right now, Rocky’s main objective was to get this over with as soon as possible.

"Uh, yeah what's up… sorry we didn't want the food to get cold," Moonbin said with a mouth full of mush. 

"Sanha, do you want to say it or-" 

Sanha interrupted Rocky blurting out his words, slightly scaring himself at the speed of his speech, "Wearedatingnowasinmeandrockyihopethatsok!" 

Everyone just stared in confusion. Sanha said that all in one breath, between the members chewing loudly and the slurring of Sanha's words, no one understood it. This made Sanha's heart skip a beat and he clenched Rocky's hand, digging his long nails into Rocky's palm unintentionally, but nonetheless, it was painful. Rocky still didn't let go as he had promised. 

"Sanha you need to work on speaking slower sometimes,” he said giving Sanha’s hand a reassuring squeeze, “what he is trying to say is," Rocky took a deep breath to calm his heart. He wasn't as nervous as Sanha was but this was still a pretty big deal, "We are dating." 

"Ok, we know and? Are y'all gonna eat or do we need to save you a plate?" Jinwoo stated bluntly as he shoveled more pancakes into his mouth. Sanha pouted as he ducked behind Rocky, this wasn't the reaction he expected at all. 

"You know?" His voice was small, the embarrassment from his reaction earlier coursed through Sanha's entire body as the uncomfortable warmth settled on his cheeks. 

"Yea… wait did you think we didn’t?" Jinwoo put down his fork, he was thoroughly confused by Sanha’s reaction. 

“We all know. Did you not want us to?" Myungjun chimed in from his place at the end of the counter. 

"Well yes… I just wanted to wait a bit and tell you ourselves, who told you guys?" Sanha asked, still huddled behind Rocky trying to fight the urge to run or cry. He thought to himself if they found out who else knew and if others knew how long until the world would know. As Sanha's thoughts started to run away from him again, his grip tightened on Rocky's hand to prevent his feet from running away as well. 

“Uhhh, it’s kinda obvious, the giggles, the stares and well also the fact that we all were outside the door when Rocky told Moonbin he won the bet,” Eunwoo ducked behind the wall of muscle that was his boyfriend for protection from the possible backlash. 

The backlash didn't come as Eunwoo expected. Sanha moved back to his place beside Rocky still hand in hand, his face looked as if the stylist applied too much rouge again. 

"So you told Jungkook?" Sanha asked Eunwoo sheepishly. 

“Yea, he asked who won the bet so I told him, he was really excited for y'all!” 

“But no one else knows right?” Sanha couldn’t shake the thoughts that were still piling on fast. His lips parted slightly as he stared up to the ceiling trying to piece together who might know. Sanha’s brain was quickly becoming like a pegboard with pictures and red string strewn across it haphazardly. Jungkook wouldn’t tell anyone they couldn’t trust right?

“Not that I know of, did y’all tell anyone else?” Eunwoo gestured to the members and Sanha’s eyes followed. With each shake of the head that they gave a small weight lifted from Sanha’s shoulders until finally almost all the weight was removed. Everything was still so new to him that it was hard to relax and just enjoy it, Sanha still feared the judgment from the outside world at large. Who knows how they might react. 

Rocky sensed that Sanha was still tense, not that the vice grip Sanha had on his hand was a dead giveaway or anything. However, for Rocky, now that everything was out he was on cloud nine. Finally he could give Sanha,  _ his boyfriend _ , all the love and affection he wanted out in the open. No more hiding, no more wondering if Sanha liked him back. Everything was falling into place yet he knew it would take Sanha a lot of time to be as comfortable in his own skin as he was. In the meantime, Rocky would just have to be, well, Sanha’s rock. 

He took the lead, still holding on to Sanha’s hand not letting go as promised, Rocky guided them to their normal seats at the breakfast nook. As they sat down Sanha let out a sigh that turned into a quiet sob. His world had changed so rapidly in the course of just a few days, it was very overwhelming to all his senses. The tears weren’t of sadness, pain or anger this time but of relief. This is everything he’d ever wanted, to be out and to be happy with someone, it was even better with that someone being his long time crush and best friend, Rocky. 

“Aigoooo~ what’s wrong?” Jinwoo asked as he reached across the table to offer his hand for comfort. 

“Nothing, nothing’s wrong,” Sanha let go of both Rocky and Jinwoo’s hands to wipe his face, “...just, everything feels right, I’m just relieved and thank...ful.” His voice broke on that last word, thankful, the word alone wasn’t even enough to describe how he felt towards this family right now. The smile that formed across Sanha’s face could warm even the coldest heart.

“See I told you it would be ok,” Rocky said as he stroked Sanha’s cheeks drying up the tears with the cuff of his long sleeve pajama top. “I also want to say thank y'all for being our family, our home away from home. I don’t say it enough but I love y’all.” 

The room was suddenly filled with coo’s and the exchanges of many words of appreciation and love. Also hugs, lots and lots of warm and comforting hugs. The food was all but forgotten for the moment until Sanha spoke up from the center of a group hug, “I love y’all but I’m tired of crying and being sappy, can we please eat now?” He giggled shyly, still floating in his sea of emotions but his stomach growling and the wondrous smell of the assorted breakfast foods on the table quickly bringing him back to reality.

“Of course!” Rocky planted a quick peck on Sanha’s lips which caused the group to disperse as they snickered in fake disgust over the PDA. 

* * *

The rest of the day seemed to pass them by in a blur, dinner was being delivered along with a full movie themed snack bar. Jungkook and Jimin really went all out for their friends, didn't they? As everyone settled in on the couch Sanha was unusually content. The past few weeks had been so full of emotional turmoil that finally getting time together as a family was just what he wanted and needed. His mind was at ease, with no racing thoughts, no wondering what anyone thought of him, or really, any thinking in general that didn’t involve the giant plate of food in front of him. 

However, Rocky just picked at his own giant plate of food that his boyfriend so lovingly made him. They had traded places; he was the one who now had thoughts using the space between his ears as their own personal racetrack. His thoughts were not inherently negative, just anxious, very anxious. Earlier, Rocky thought he was on cloud nine and, well, he was. However, now that they were cuddling on the couch he felt like all eyes were on them. Sanha wasn't even really doing anything out of the normal, his cheek pressed against Rocky’s exposed shoulder, but this simple contact lit Rocky’s mind up like a Christmas tree. His body felt warm and tingly, Rocky wanted so desperately to reach out and snuggle Sanha up into his arms, all the while leaving soft kisses in Sanha’s soft and fluffy hair. 

Now normally he would, even before they dated, but Rocky restrained himself out of concern for if Sanha was comfortable with being so openly lovey in front of everyone. Rocky thought about how even though Bin and Eunwoo had been revealed to everyone as a couple now they still weren’t extremely open with their cuddles. It could just be that it was their normal or maybe they weren’t comfortable either. 

Instead of grabbing sweets and popcorn when he finished eating, as everyone else did, Sanha wiggled his way under Rocky’s stiff arms to cuddle as they watched the movie. About halfway through the cute animated feature, Sanha lost interest, he became more concerned as to why Rocky hadn’t moved in the last forty-five minutes. They usually would snuggle on movie nights, everyone did. For Myungjun he would be practically in someone's lap, tonight that someone was Jinwoo. Sanha would always snuggle between Eunwoo and Rocky with Moonbin using Eunwoos lap as a footrest. Rocky being stiff was the only thing that was off tonight. He had to figure out what was up, but Sanha didn’t want to disturb anyone and decided to take his phone out. 

He opened their personal chat and typed out a quick message before handing the phone to Rocky. 

**_DDANA:_ ** Why aren’t you cuddling :( I have been nuzzling you this whole movie trying to get cuddles but you won't HMPH! 

Rocky noticed and pulled his phone out quietly he used one hand hidden off the arm of the couch to type his reply. 

**_RAKI:_ ** You sure? Are you ok with being cuddly around everyone?

**_DDANA:_ ** ∨∩∨ did you not wanna cuddle? did I do something?

_ You're not ashamed, are you? _ Sanha thought to himself, if he asked, Rocky would make a scene but the thought was hard to shake, even after their talk this morning. Sanha felt Rocky’s body as it relaxed around him, even Rocky didn’t realize how tense he was until he took a moment to breathe out all the tension. The heavy sigh seemed to alert Jinwoo, who leant forward to look in the direction of the sigh and caught Rocky’s eyes. Jinwoo simply mouthed asking if he was ok and Rocky nodded with a smile to avert his suspicions. 

He waited for a few more minutes to let the air settle before responding, in the meantime, Rocky wrapped his arm tightly around Sanha and pulled him closer into his chest so that he didn’t worry too much either.

**_RAKI:_ ** No no not at all! I was just worried that you weren’t ready to be all touchy in front of people. 

Sanha laughed but the silent kind of laugh where he just exhaled heavily and smiled as he typed what he thought was the funniest thing ever. In all honesty, he needed a laugh, for a moment there Sanha was convinced that he had done or said something, or that something was just wrong in the first place. That was going to be a hard habit for him to break.

**_DDANA:_ ** Were you planning on being “touchy” or cuddling cause I mean that's two different things… XD 

Rocky’s cheeks and ears warmed up with embarrassment as he hastily typed his response. Sanha was never the one to even hint at a risque joke unless he had been drinking, especially not when watching a Disney movie.

**_RAKI:_ ** YOON SANHA!!! DUDE YOU KNOW WHAT I MEANT 

**_DDANA:_ ** What? :3 I was just asking, you’re the one that's overreacting. We haven't even properly kissed yet so why would I even be thinking about that (◔‿◔)

**_RAKI:_ ** Are you trying to hint at something? I mean if you want we can fix that later… just saying

All the blood left Sanhas’s face, he was just joking he never meant for it to lead to anything he just wanted to be funny. The more Rocky thought about it the more he really wouldn't mind a make out sesh before bed. It wasn’t the worst idea, but only if Sanha wanted to, of course. 

**_DDANA:_ ** No (ꏿ﹏ꏿ;) 

He began looking around for anything to relieve his embarrassment, maybe Jinwoo or Eunwoo would save him. As Sanha looked around he realized no one else was in the room and the movie was still going, but they had been so deep in their own little world that the members had left quietly to give them some space. Sanha sat up confused and Rocky followed. 

“Huh? What happened, where is everyone?” Sanha surveyed the living room searching for any sign of human life. 

“We were texting and giggling for a bit, maybe they left to give us some space, I mean we could take advantage of that,” Rocky winked, still teasing Sanha about his own joke. Rocky had no qualms with the idea, especially now that they had the living room to themselves. Sanha, on the other hand, was sweating bullets. Although he really liked the idea of “properly” kissing his boyfriend, it honestly scared the hell out of him. 

Rocky chuckled at Sanha’s silence and hesitation at first, but as the silence dragged on he worried if he took the “joke” too far, worried if maybe he had offended Sanha. His anxiety from earlier began to bubble back up to the surface and escaped as an awkward laugh. 

“Sanha, are you ok?” Rocky tried to speak calmly but his voice cracked making his concern all the more evident. 

“Yeah, yeah of course I’m fine… I just-” 

“Yoon Sanha,” Rocky said interrupting him using his full name to show that he means business, “first off don’t lie, there's no need to lie to me about if you are fine or not. Second, if you don't tell me the truth I will be forced to hug you and not let go until you tell me.” He was serious about the first part but the second part was just a joke to make him feel at ease. 

“But if I don’t tell you then I get hugs, right? Hugs are better than talking...” Sanha pouted, he was just being a pain as usual. 

“Ok so slight flaw in that plan, but seriously if I took the joke too far all you have to do is say so. I’m sorry,” Rocky apologized as he felt just awful about making the situation awkward. 

Sanha looked at Rocky confused, why was he apologizing? It was him that made the original joke not expecting Rocky to go along with it. “Why are you saying you're sorry, you did nothing wrong… I just- I’m nervous.” 

This flipped something inside of Rocky, after Sanha was the one to make the joke so boldly he didn't expect him to be this nervous. Rocky pulled Sanha up into his lap and wrapped his arms around him the best that he could, if anyone else saw this it would look quite comical with their height difference and awkward entangling of limbs. All Rocky wanted now was to make sure Sanha felt comfortable and to assure him that there was no need to be nervous. 

“Mind telling me why?” Rocky asked whilst stroking Sanha’s hair.

Sanha took a moment to get comfortable as he laid his head on Rocky’s shoulder to hide the redness that was rapidly getting brighter on his face, “Well… I’ve never kissed  _ you _ properly, what if I’m bad at it? What if I screw it up somehow,” Sanha said with a sigh, he didn't beat around the bush this time, saying exactly what was on his mind. 

“Pffttt~ What happened the confidence you had when you kissed me first?” Rocky didn’t mean to laugh, but he had a point. 

“Shut up! It was just a simple kiss. What we are dancing around is like an actual  **_kiss,_ ** ” an actual kiss, Sanha had never had any kind of kisses from Rocky just a few days ago and somehow now he was discussing possibly making out with him.

Rocky cooed, peppering kisses on the top of Sanha’s head, the poor thing was a nervous wreck over the thought of a kiss. It was endearing, the same boy that kissed him first was now scared of a kiss or to use Sanha’s words, an  _ actual _ kiss. 

“Well try not treating it as anything except just that, just a simple kiss. We will go at your pace, if you want of course,” Rocky suggested, hoping his words were any bit helpful. 

Sanha didn’t look up from his place on Rocky’s shoulder, his voice muffled as he spoke into Rocky’s neck, “I want to kiss you like, actually kiss you, but I don’t know what to do, or where to put my hands or where I am allowed-” Rocky had made up his mind after he heard that word again, actually, he was tired of it and interrupted Sanha with a kiss. It was a slightly awkward position, Rocky guided Sanha down onto the couch. He was very careful to make sure Sanha didn’t bump his head on the other arm of the couch as he got them positioned comfortably, never once breaking their kiss. 

Rocky was above Sanha now, he took the lead kissing him gently as he let his limbs fall where they may. Sanha wasn't as relaxed, his legs and arms were stiff, he wasn’t sure where he should, or rather could, put them. It wasn't long before Rocky noticed and helped Sanha out, still not letting go of the kiss. Rocky guided Sanha’s hands to his waist, the way his tank top hung leaving it exposed. When Sanha’s hands settled on the smooth skin he began to explore, trailing his hands up and down along Rocky’s well defined back muscles. 

The sensation of skin on skin made them both shiver and subsequently giggle. Soon, Sanha relaxed fully, his whole body became putty in Rocky’s hands and he knew it too. Rocky began to escalate the kiss, first by letting his lips linger a little bit longer each time and then as he sensed that Sanha was comfortable with that he tested the waters as he slowly dragged his tongue along Sanha’s bottom lip. From there every movement felt fluid and natural as they explored each other, their hands and lips in constant motion.

Suddenly Sanha froze, his head went fuzzy and he completely forgot to breathe. Sanha was overwhelmed by all the emotions and sensations asRocky nibbling on his lip sent him over the edge into what he figured was some form of temporary insanity. It was the only reason he could come up with for why he wanted this to stop. Rocky stopped when Sanha did assuming that he just needed a breath, at least that was until Sanha began to hyperventilate. Rocky didn't hesitate to get his boyfriend into a comfortable sitting position and gave him space. He would be lying if he wasn't worried that he did something wrong but he wasn’t going to ask, at least not right now. 

When his breathing evened out Sanha began to pout, he couldn't believe he just did that, who would, in their right mind, not want to keep kissing the Park Minhyuk, he thought to himself while mentally banging his head against a wall. 

“Whatcha thinking?” Rocky asked calmly as he studied Sanha’s face, trying his best to get a read on his boyfriend's thoughts. 

“I’m sorry,” he hung his head trying not to look at Rocky directly, he was completely mortified with himself. 

“Why would you be sorry, silly butt. You’re a really good kisser,” Rocky smiled, he wasn’t stupid he knew exactly why Sanha was sorry but if he let him know that it might make the poor thing feel even worse.

“But I like... I made us stop,” Sanha said highly confused as to why Rocky seemed unfazed. 

“Ok and? Did you want to talk about why you got all shaky or just cuddle?” He held his arms wide to invite Sanha in for a snuggle, which Sanha did not turn down. 

Sanha laid his head on Rocky’s chest and wrapped his arms around the man's waist letting himself get comfortable before he spoke, “Both please.”

“Of course! What’s on your mind love?” Sanha said he wanted to talk but froze the second Rocky asked. He wanted to talk, really, but the words weren’t coming to him at the moment. Everything and nothing was on his mind all at once, he was ashamed for some reason, embarrassed, confused, angry and sad but couldn't put any of that into a proper coherent thought. Rocky was patient with him, gently caressing Sanha’s hair until he calmed down enough to answer him. 

“I’m embarrassed, who freaks out like that when kissing someone?” He sighed into Rocky’s chest, Sanha was glad he wasn’t facing Rocky directly, his face was screwed up in anger 

“Look there's absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about, do you know why you started to freak out?” 

“I guess I got overwhelmed. Every feeling and sensation felt like fire running through me and then my heart started beating fast and I got dizzy and then I wanted to pause for a moment and take a breath but I also didn't want to stop kissing you or touching you, but also-” Rocky interrupted Sanha, reminding him to breathe when he noticed Sanha was holding his breath as he spoke. After taking a few deep breaths together Sanha continued, “But also I was worried I’d upset you by asking you to stop for a minute like you’d be offended or-”

“Sorry I’m going to interrupt you again, look at me,” Rocky said in an unusually stern voice, Sanha obeyed, albeit hesitantly, “You should never worry about anything like that, you know what consent is right?”

“Yea but this isn’t… sex,” Sanha said confused and slightly scared if that’s what Rocky had on his mind already. 

“Consent doesn’t just apply to that, silly! if you ever are uncomfortable you can and should say something, got it? You should know that already, right? Wait hold on...” Rocky remembered Sanha wasn’t exactly as innocent as he seemed. They had a conversation just last night about their ex’s and past experiences and Sanha wasn’t inexperienced, not in the slightest. Hell, this all started at the bar where Sanha most definitely met a few of his previous hookups. “When we were talking last night about your exes and hookups, you were telling the truth, right? I mean if you aren't experienced that’s cool, just, I’m a little confused, you said you didn’t know where to put your hands and then got shaky so I’m piecing the puzzle together here… I think?”

Sanha was taken aback by Rocky’s accusation, he would never lie, he wasn’t even a good liar anyway. “I never lied to you! Ever!” He did what he had always done when things got uncomfortable,he tried to run, but this time he didn’t get far before Rocky was wrapped around him, holding his waist tight. 

“That’s not what I meant, I’m sorry please sit back down Sanha.” Sanha did so begrudgingly, huffing as he plopped down on the end of the sofa. 

“Don’t laugh at me, but it’s because it's you,” Rocky looked at Sanha, he was suddenly speechless so Sanha took the chance to fill the air before the awkward silence settled in, “it’s you! You are why I’m nervous. None of my previous hookups meant anything to me and my exes all were kinda trash and didn't seem to really care anyways. You mean so much to me and I don’t want to fuck it up, but the second you kiss me its like every brain cell I have just disappears and I have no clue what I’m doing. I just want to make you happy and be the best boyfriend.” 

Rocky restrained himself from making a joke about how Sanha having any brain cells, to begin with, was questionable and skipped straight to cooing at his cutie of a boyfriend, “Babbbeeee,” Rocky again flung himself at Sanha as if his neck was a magnet for Rocky’s arms, “you are already the perfect boyfriend just by being you. You could never change my mind on that, I promise. Plus like I said earlier you are a  _ really  _ good kisser so I promise you that you were doing just fine, in fact better than fine,” Rocky didn’t intend for it but his voice dropped to a deeper sexier tone when he spoke about Sanha being a good kisser. 

“Shut the fuck up!” Sanha screeched smacking Rocky with a throw pillow. It was good to hear that Rocky enjoyed the kiss as much as he did but hearing it out loud in that voice was just too much for his heart to bear as Sanha also screamed internally about something along the lines of wondering if it was possible to kiss a voice. 

“Seriously though Sanha please just be open with me, you already make me so happy and that's not gonna change. It’s normal to be nervous and I’m nervous too but I know it will be ok as long as we trust each other and listen.” Rocky opened his arms for a hug and Sanha fell right into them nuzzling close to Rocky’s chest. 

“I will, I promise, just no more kisses tonight I felt like my heart was going to explode,” Sanha said with a slight chuckle, he had to laugh or he’d cry from the embarrassment that he still felt over the whole situation. 

“That’s ok Ddana, why don't we watch another movie and just cuddle?” Rocky squeezed Sanha tight to reassure him that everything was ok, hugs always calmed Sanha’s nerves and boy could Sanha use all the hugs after tonight. 

“I’d love that!” Sanha said as he scrunched up his cute bunny nose with a giggle just as cute to match it. 

Not long after the movie started Jinwoo walked in to find two adorable snoring boys snuggled safe and warm in each other's arms. As comfortable as they may be it was forecasted to be bitterly cold tonight. Jinwoo fetched some thick blankets out of the closet and tucked the boys in, giving them each gentle butterfly kisses on their foreheads before leaving the room to head back to his own cold and empty bed. It was nights like these where he wished he had someone to snuggle with like they did. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Keep that last scene in mind... it may or may not come into play soon! I didn't just miss Jinwoo this actually made sense as a way to end this chapter hehehehehe 
> 
> Also as of the next chapter, I will be referring to Moonbin as Bin since he prefers Bin or Binnie
> 
> again thank yall so much for waiting it was so much fun writing this! If you would like to follow me for updates I only have one account on twt now its @Astrofaery 
> 
> Hope yall enjoyed, stay safe! ^-^


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I know it will be ok but when was the last time we did something fun on our days off though? Everything seems so monotonous lately" Sanha complained, he was excited for the year to come but also missed having fun and letting loose. 
> 
> "Well ok you have a point, well why don't we do something fun this weekend? Everyone's free if we want to make it a group thing?" Rocky asked, secretly hoping someone would have an idea because he was clueless. 
> 
> "Me and Myungjun were just gonna watch movies this weekend so why don't the couples go out on a date or something? We always do things together as a group but y'all never get time to spend as normal young couples." Jinwoo suggested. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW// Alcohol consumption and kissing while drunk 
> 
> not beta read, I will go back and edit later if i need to but i just really wanted to get this out as soon as i finished it because I've made yall wait so long.

"Things are gonna get busy soon huh?" Sanha said as he kicked off his snow soaked shoes. 

"Yea I mean we knew this was coming last fall that 2020 is going to be busy, at least they are giving up a few days of rest before schedules official start, I'm excited though I feel like this is gonna be a really good year," Jinwoo shrugged off his puffer jacket with a content smile. They just had a meeting with the company to go over all the things they have planned for 2020 and it was a pretty extensive list for most of the members, almost daunting, but they all knew they could do it as long as they had each other. 

Rocky hugged Sanha from behind, cheerfully kissing his boyfriend’s cheek, "It will be ok, I know it's a lot of stuff to prepare for but it's going to be a lot of fun! It's not like we will be busy all the time, we still have days off here and there like everyone else."

"I know it will be ok but when was the last time we did something fun on our days off though? Everything seems so monotonous lately" Sanha complained, he was excited for the year to come but also missed having fun and letting loose. 

"Well ok you have a point, well why don't we do something fun this weekend? Everyone's free if we want to make it a group thing?" Rocky asked, secretly hoping someone would have an idea because he was clueless. 

"Me and Myungjun were just gonna watch movies this weekend so why don't the couples go out on a date or something? We always do things together as a group but y'all never get time to spend as normal young couples." Jinwoo suggested. 

"Young couples? You can't mean Eunwoo and Moonbin, they are like ancient." Sanha ducked behind just in time to avoid the slipper that Eunwoo beamed at his head, fortunately, Rocky was just short enough to avoid taking the hit himself.

"If we are ancient you're a fetus!" Eunwoo retorted with Moonbin by his side laughing so hard all he could do was nod in agreement. 

A few playful smacks, jests and jeers later they were all raiding the kitchen in an attempt to find something for dinner. Sanha searched through the walk-in pantry hoping for some idea to hit him as they were all very indecisive tonight. As he did he came across the now empty gift baskets from their friends a few months ago. 

"Babe come here!" Sanha called out, he had an idea now, not for dinner but for the weekend. 

"What babe, please don't tell me you just want instant ramen again I swear I'll- ohh what's that?" Rocky asked, pointing at the basket in Sanha's hands.

Sanha smiled as he bounced around excitedly, "It's one of the baskets Jungkook and Jimin sent us, it gave me an idea! Remember Jungkook saying he wanted to do a group date, let see if they are free this weekend it will be so much fun!" 

"That's a great idea! Think you are ready for a group date?" He asked with cautious enthusiasm, Sanha just beamed confidently as he nodded a simple yes. 

Over the past few months since they started dating his confidence grew wildly, he seemed happier with himself and even his already blinding smile was somehow even brighter. It wasn’t a smooth transition to his newer and more confident self, there were many bumps along the way where he doubted everything about himself. By no means was everything perfect either, every once in a while those dark corners of Sanha’s mind would make themself known, wreaking havoc and destruction on the self-esteem and happiness that he worked so hard to build. At least he wasn’t on his own in this his family, Astro, rallied around him never once letting him believe for a second that those dark voices were right about anything. The more time that passed the less reassurance he needed, even though it was always appreciated. He even started seeing a therapist to even his own surprise to help him through the muddled mess that was his brain and even when Sanha couldn’t see the progress he was making, everyone around him did! Not just those who were close to Sanha but their stylists, managers, family and even some fans noticed the improvements in his overall demeanor. 

Moreso, the changes that Rocky saw were probably the most special. Sanha was no stranger to skinship, he was always a very clingy baby around the members but when he came out, aside from Rocky, Sanha kept his distance for a while. Like everything else improvement followed and their cuddly baby was back in what seemed like no time at all, at least around the dorm. It was a little longer before he would hug or hold hands with anyone in public, but one day as they were walking to lunch Sanha quietly slipped his hand in Rocky's and that was that everything fell in place as they walked with their hands slotted perfectly together. 

Whilst Rocky smiled in awe of the progress his boyfriend was making as he went bck to searching for dinner, but Sanha was having a temporary blip, his brain doing the all familiar somersaults,  _ "uhhhh, am I ready? Our first actual group date I just said yes didn't I… Wait of course I did what the hell I suggested it! I've got this and even if things get tough I'll have Rocky and my friends by my side, it will be ok."  _ Unlike in the past, he was able to quickly shake off these thoughts before the thoughts created a life all their own. The temporary panic quickly turned to excitement and anticipation, the only worries that now lived in his head were 'what’s for dinner?' 

* * *

By some miracle, everyone's schedules lined up on such short notice. Jungkook, Jimin, Sanha, Rocky, Eunwoo and Moonbin were gathered around a table in a relatively quiet corner of a fancy restaurant. 

As soon as the waiter walked away after taking their order the table sprung to life. They started with the usual niceties of small talk, discussing their upcoming schedules and plans and other general work/idol related subjects before Jimin pivoted the conversation. "Hey, where is Myungjun and Jinwoo, are they ok? Did they just want a date night to themselves?" 

Aside from Jungkook the rest of them burst out laughing at the notion that their hyungs were dating, "Why does everyone think they are dating?" Sanha laughed and shuddered at the thought. He was slightly disgusted, if he ever had to witness them kiss it would be like seeing his parents.

"Pfftt~ I mean they act like it but no they aren't, they are having a movie marathon tonight." Eunwoo added. 

"So you mean a date, they just don't know it yet," Jungkook said as he rolled his eyes, even he knew that Myungjun and Jinwoo's behavior was suspicious. "Anyways speaking of dating, Sanha, Rocky how's it going so far? Y'all look so happy." 

They beamed in unison as they shared a loving but almost shy glance at each other. Every time someone commented on them and how happy they were it further confirmed that they had made the right decision to open up to each other a few months back. 

“It hasn’t been smooth sailing but it gets better every day and we are really happy! Thank you guys again for all the support. It really means the world to us.” The smile on Sanha’s face somehow grew even wider, his whole being seemed to be glowing with all the love that he felt. 

“How could we be anything less than supportive! I still remember the day Jungkook told Eunwoo and by proxy the rest of y’all about us, he texted me saying-” 

Jungkook swiftly interrupted his boyfriend with a nervous laugh, “Uh, they don't have to know that it was really cheesy and cringey do NOT say another word!”

“Awwww, you don’t have to say anything. I can imagine exactly what was said, thank you for being such a good friend too,” Eunwoo said as he blushed, they usually didn’t outright express their affection for their friends but it felt nice. 

They had gotten so carried in conversation they completely forgot they were having dinner until the waiter showed up with the food. Immediately they began to chow down on the feast in front of them, hardly uttering a word as they stuffed their bellies full. 

“Ughhh, that was so good!!! Now, why don't we really get this party started and do something fun!” Jimin suggested with a glint of mischief in his eyes.

Sanha tilted his head innocently, “something fun what do you mean?”

“NO!” Eunwoo accidentally shouted, “I mean no that's probably not a good idea since it's getting so late.” He chuckled nervously, he knew Jimin and Jungkooks meaning of fun after hours and Eunwoo wasn't sure he was ready for that nevermind what Sanha and Rocky thought. 

“See told you they act like a married couple when we go out,” Jungkook said nodding in Sanha’s direction.

“Married couples can still have fun! Are you suggesting if we ever got married that we would no longer be fun?” Jimin said to Jungkook with an overly exaggerated pout.

“Hush you know what I mean anyways Eunwoo probably just wouldn't want to see his babies like that.”

“Is someone going to fill us in or do we get a say in this?” Rocky asked, utterly confused. 

Moonbin spoke up for the first time as he was still in the middle of gnawing on a chicken leg, “they want to go to the club and Eunwoo is a scaredy cat,” he stated bluntly. 

“Not a scaredy cat…” 

“Hyung if you don't want to go that's fine, we can go out with them and y'all can go home that's fine! I'm having a lot of fun tonight with everyone so I think it's a really good idea!" Sanha said speaking sweetly, he knew that if anyone could get through to Eunwoo it would be him. Eunwoo would do just about anything for Sanha and treated him much the same as one would treat a biological sibling, bickering and all. 

He gave with a slight sigh as expected, "I mean if you want we can go just I have one request?" 

"What's that?” Jimin asked.

“Can we get a private room to hang out in just in case things get out of hand?” Eunwoo asked hesitantly. 

Jungkook chuckled his mind of course went straight to the gutter answering before Jimin could, “Only if you promise that it will!”

* * *

As they walked into the club Sanha got this strange sense of deja vu, he had not been to this specific club since the night of the incident or any club for that matter. It was strange walking in with a group of friends rather than alone. It was also very very strange to enter the club without having to fight back tears or worry about if he was going to be rejected. Every reason he had to come here before caused problems but now all those problems are finally in the past. Sanha walked in with his head held high and walked with confidence up to the same old bartender that would normally soothe Sanhas worries away with the strongest thing he had available. 

“Why hello there kid! Haven’t seen you in a while. I was getting worried when you bolted out of here like that. Everything ok I see you brought some friends with you.” The bartender made Sanha blush. He really was sorry for how things happened that night but now was not the time to think of that, it was time to party! 

Sanha beamed with pride as he spoke, “Yea I’m doing great now! You were also kinda right about a lot of things… we will talk later but for now, is the private karaoke room free?” 

“Yup its open go on in and have fun, I’ll send someone up with your usual drinks in a moment, but only if you promise not to run away again!” 

“Can we also get some green grape soju as well?” Eunwoo asked

“Sure! And if yall want to order anything else you know where I’ll be.”

“Thank you!” Sanha said as he made his way to the private room dragging his friends behind him, “come on follow me!”

* * *

As the couples were enjoying their impromptu karaoke night, Myungjun and Jinwoo were settled on Myungjun’s bed watching a movie on tv. 

“Why did you want to hang out in here again?” Jinwoo asked as he stared at the wine swirling in his glass. 

“Because it’s warmer in here, why?” Myungjun responded casually as he ate his popcorn. 

“Just wondering,” he shrugged, “you know we could’ve wrapped up in blankets, plus the tv in the living room is bigger.” 

“Do you have a problem being in here Jinwoo?” Myungjun was slightly offended even though he did have a point but his bed was much softer than the couch. 

“Not at all just wondering.” 

As the third movie was ending with a couple happily in love cuddling on a sofa with lots of blankets and hot chocolate, a very typical holiday rom-com ending. Myungjun paused the tv as the credits began to roll and Jinwoo reached for the bottle of wine to top them up before the next movie. To his surprise, they had already gone through the two bottles of wine they had brought in here. 

“Out of wine?” Myungjun asked. 

“Yea but it’s ok we probably shouldn’t drink more anyways.” Jinwoo’s voice was slightly slurred as he answered but there was also a distinct tinge of sadness in his tone and demeanor that Myungjun picked up on instantly. 

“I can go get us more Jinnie!” 

As Myungjun tried to crawl out of bed Jinwoo stopped him, “No seriously it’s ok, we don’t really need anymore.” 

“Are you sure I really don’t mind, you sounded sad so if you are sad that we didnt bring enough wine I can go get more from the kitchen it’s really not a-”

Jinwoo interrupted him, he knew if he didn’t Myungjun wouldn’t stop until he found a way to cheer him up, “It’s not the lack of wine that’s making me sad, it’s just… ughhh promise you won’t judge me?” 

Myungjun smiled and nodded his head to assure Jinwoo that he wouldn’t. 

“Do you ever just wish you could cuddle with someone you love, like at the end of that movie? I want that, I want to be loved and cuddled.” 

“Well move your arm that’s all you had to say!” Myungjun nuzzled himself into Jinwoos chest getting close enough to hear the man’s heart as it beat widely against his ribcage as if it was trying to make an escape. 

“Thanks,” Jinwoo said shyly, “but I meant I just want to be so in love like them but I- I don’t know I guess I’m just lonely or it might just be the alcohol making me all mushy and emotional.” Myungjun tilted his head up just enough to catch Jinwoo pouting, his lips puffed out and his eyes on the verge of tears. 

“Did you know that you have really pretty lips?” Myungjun knew just how to distract Jinwoo, compliments! He never knew how to respond but his smile was all that was needed, Myungjun found it endearing how a simple compliment could make Jinwoo so flustered.

“No…” 

“Well they are very pretty and they look soft too! Just like your cheekies!” The comments pilled on and made Jinwoo blush more. At this point, his thoughts weren’t exactly coherent enough to respond because he was so flustered, he didn’t have to though, Myungjun knew he succeeded in distracting him. The compliments weren’t merely just nice words coming from Myungjun, he sincerely meant the words he said, almost making him blush as well. 

“You are right its such a shame that I can’t- I mean that someone can’t kiss and cuddle you.” The alcohol seemed to make Jinwoo bolder, he heard Myungjuns slip up and went for it. The kiss was short and sweet the feeling of Myungjun’s lips against his seemed to sober Jinwoo up instantly making him realize what was happening so he pulled away quickly. 

“Sorry I should’ve asked…” Jinwoo mumbled nervously. 

Myungjun was now the one that was flustered, “Wow, they are really soft…” he said not even acknowledging Jinwoo’s apology. “Can I…?” He couldn’t even ask the full question, his mind swimming in the thought of kissing Jinwoos soft lips made him further intoxicated. Luckily, Jinwoo knew what he meant as he smiled leaning into another kiss. 

They let this one linger a while more only separating when they heard gasps at the door. Rocky and Sanha had come home earlier than the two thought, or maybe the alcohol had skewed their sense of time. Either way, they had witnessed the liplock but were only shocked for a moment as they shrugged, it was inevitable that this would happen they thought, so they just went about their nightly routine as they would normally. However, Jinwoo was very very flustered by the sudden intrusion and tripped a few times as he hurried out of the room. 

“This isn’t what it looks like we swear!” Jinwoo screamed as he ran down the hall to his room. 

“We don’t care!!!” Rocky yelled back, lightly elbowing Sanha to get him to stop laughing at Jinwoo’s escape attempt. 

Sanha then turned to Myungjun, trying hard but failing to contain his laughter, “We really don’t care if it is or isn’t what it looked like but you have to admit that was funny!”

“Ok yes, it was funny... “ Myungjun rolled his eyes, “I- um… I’m gonna go check on him make sure he didnt hurt himself.” He muttered as he left the room walking awkwardly around the mess on the floor, trying hard not to give them another reason to laugh. 

“Not what we expected to come home to now was it,” Rocky chuckled as he climbed into bed motioning for Sanha to join him under the covers. 

Sanha snuggled up beside his boyfriend, sighing contently, “I mean it was bound to happen so I’m not really shocked, it’s kinda like how everyone expected us to be together you know.” 

“Yea you have a point. Anywayssss, did you enjoy yourself tonight babe?” Rocky asked, kissing the top of Sanha’s head. 

“A lot of fun! I really feel good now and it feels like everything is just getting better finally, it’s not perfect and probably never will be but I’m not afraid to just be myself again around everyone.” Sanha sighed, smiling as he melted into Rocky’s warm chest. 

“Yeah I think that lapdance kinda proved that you are reaallllly comfortable now,” Rocky laughed as he thought back to all the shenanigans from their night out.

“One, Jimin encouraged it, two, it made Eunwoo and Moonbin blush so that was fun and three, the alcohol helped a little.” Sanha stated in faux protest.  _ But I still would’ve done it encouragement or not just to see that look on your face,  _ Sanha thought to himself not quite ready to let Rocky know that detail. 

“Ok well however it happened I had fun tonight and I’m glad you did too Ddana, goodnight,” Rocky went to hug Sanha but Sanha pushed him away just enough so he could still see Rocky’s face. He stared at Rocky silent for a moment as the color left his skin and his stomach sank to his toes.

_ Here we go I guess,  _ “Park Minhyuk, I love you.” Sanha tried to gulp down the fear as the seconds passing seemed like hours, his mind racing faster with each passing moment.

Rocky scrunched his eyebrows up in confusion, the longer he was silent the more turmoil he could see behind Sanha’s eyes, “Stop whatever you’re thinking because it’s not true,” at this point Rocky didn’t have to ask what was on Sanhas mind he just knew and he knew it wasn’t anything goof, “I just I uh… um- give me a second, ok?” After a brief pause to collect his thoughts, Rocky spoke again, “why did you call me by my full name? You never call me that… but yea I love you too  **_Yoon Sanha_ ** , since we are using our full names now apparently.” 

Sanha collapsed onto Rocky’s chest as he finally let himself breathe, relief flooded over him causing him to let out a very nervous laugh, “You scared me ughh why are you like thisssssss,” he whined.

“You have neeeeeever called me by my full name! I was just shocked!” Rocky said defending himself. He expected Sanha to laugh or at the very least be a smartass back to him but instead Rocky heard small muffled whimpers coming from his boyfriend who was doing his best to hide his face in Rocky’s chest. Rocky didn’t need to see Sanha’s face, the dampness on his shirt was a giveaway. 

“Oh babe, what’s wrong? I’m sorry if-”

“Nope nothing you did,” Sanha interrupted him quickly before he apologized for something he definitely didn’t do. He was so happy and relieved that he couldn’t help but cry, but that was hard to explain as the only other words he could seem to form were ‘I love you.’

“I love you too Ddana, It will be ok.” The happiness from the night (and the alcohol) made Sanha’s feelings so much more intense, it felt good to cry it all out and this time he was glad it was a good cry wrapped in the warm and comforting arms of the one he loved. It was definitely a stark difference from the tears he cried months ago. This is what he always wanted to be loved and accepted, things weren’t perfect but he was happy; they were finally happy and that was enough for him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM SO SO SO SORRY!!! Im sorry for making yall wait so long, a lot has been going on irl and i think i jinxed my self in the last note about not making yall wait... well anyways i hope it was worth the wait thank you so much for reading this!

**Author's Note:**

> if you liked it please subscribe and leave a comment you can follow me on either of my twt accs @astrofaery and @astrosfaerydae  
> 


End file.
